Harakiri Crabstickz
by Chic N Stu
Summary: It's rated M for a later adult theme. (Not KicktheStickz. Crabstickz/OC) When the Foursome's hotel reservations don't go through, Phil's old school mate offers them a place to stay for the duration of their vacation. But, when they arrive, Chris meets the broken and stubborn Audrey. What happens when they get close and might have to leave Los Angeles and go back to London?
1. Blood to Bleed

_askjtgsdg/set?id=52997593 (Polyvore dot com/ comes after that, as well all other links, unless otherwise specified. The black cat will be explained later.)_

_Giselle_

I stood at the front desk of the hotel that I work at, bored. There's nothing to do here. No one's coming in, and no one's coming out. It's been like a ghost town for an hour, it seems like.

"Giselle? Is that you?" I heard an all too familiar voice asking. I looked up to see it was my old classmate, Phil Lester. We used to go to middle school together until my dad moved us to Los Angeles right before freshman year.

"Phil!" I practically shouted. "What are you doing here?"

"Me and my friends are here for Vidcon and holiday."

"Oh yeah, you're a pretty successful youtuber, now."

"Awe, thanks," he said as we continued the checking in process. "Where are you staying these days?"

"I live in an apartment building that's above a small Italian restaurant."

"That's pretty cool."

"This transaction isn't going through," I asked, in a quizzical tone.

"It should be. I know Dan made the reservations."

"It said it was never made."

"Hold on, let me go get everyone," he said as he walked over to them.

"I swear I made the reservation!" Dan said.

"The computer says otherwise."

"That can't be right," Dan said as he walked over to the desk.

"It says nothing under your name," I said as I turned the computer monitor towards him.

"Great," he sighed.

"Hey. Why don't you guys stay with me? I have extra space!"

"We would, but we don't know you." Dan retorted.

"Phil does! We were like best friends in elementary school."

"Well..."

"C'mon. Last minute reservations are really expensive. This way, you won't be charged!"

"Hold on," Dan said as he walked over to his friends to discuss.

"When do you get off work?" Phil asked.

"In about twenty minutes."

When I got off work, I went to change from my uniform into my regular day clothes, and then we all piled into my car.

"I live with two other girls, by the way. Audrey and Sierra."

"What are they like," PJ asked.

"Sierra's really bubbly and funny. She's always at work or school though, so I don't see much of her. Audrey, however, she's in a really dark place. She smokes pot often. I don't think she's left the house in months. She sits around playing video games and crying all day. She works in the restaurant underneath us, so she doesn't even need to leave the building."

"Why is she like that?" Dan asked.

"A lot of things, actually. It's not really my place to tell, but one thing I can tell you is that our best friend died in a car accident a few months ago, and she's never really been the same since."

"I'm sorry," they all said.

"There's just one thing you guys should know. Don't tell her I told you this, but whatever you do, don't ever look at her scars. She will start crying and yelling."

"Why doesn't she just cover them up?" Chris asked.

"It got to the point where she couldn't cover them up anymore because there were so many."

When we got there, she was in her normal position. Sitting on a bean bag in front of the TV playing a game.

She didn't even notice anyone else came in, and they all sat in the kitchen while I was going to try to prepare her for the news she's about to receive.

"Hey, there," I said walking over to her.

"Hi," she simply stated.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Your mom," she stated again, not breaking her trance from the screen.

"Helping Mario save Princess Peach for the hundredth time?"

She slowly set her controller down and turned around. Her eyes were red again. "Bitch, this ain't no Mario. I'm helping Desmond Miles stop a solar flare from destroying everything for the second time while he relives his ancestors memories."

"I don't get it."

"Bitch, please. You should know this," she said, stuffing Doritos in her mouth and resuming her game.

"I don't know." I'm not one for the gaming scene. It's just not me. I honestly don't know what she's playing.

"Assassin's Creed!" She shouted. "I thought maybe you'd know that from the fact that I have the logo tattooed onto my body."

"Sorry..." I mumbled.

"Shut up," She said. Her eyes were still glued to the screen.

"Just because you were r-" I began.

"Don't say it. Don't fucking say it."

"Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you have to be a bitch to everyone," I muttered so only she could hear. She just waved her hand, motioning me to go away.

"_Why do we disfigure all the things that are so beautiful inside? Where we compose the calamities for all to abide. Microcosm, macrocosm are the same. What a lame game,__" _she sang under her breath.

"What are you singing?" I asked.

"Serj Tankian," she said.

"Isn't he from Slipknot or whatever?" I said, knowing I'd get a rise out of her.

"You did not just say that," she said as she paused her game, stood up and turned around.

When she's sitting she looks fine, but when she stands up, you can tell she's wasting away. She was swimming in her sweat pants and shirt, which permanently smelled like weed. Her fingernails were bitten down to a nub, and the skin around was red and bloody. Her hair used to be so voluminous and beautiful, but now it's flat and in a stringy, sloppy ponytail. Dying her hair red doesn't help either.

"I'm not into your type of music."

"Serj Tankian is a genius. He ain't from no Slipknot. He's from one of the most legendary bands to have ever exist. System of a Down," she said.

"They aren't THAT legendary," I said.

"At least they stand for something, unlike your meaningless music."

That's what she does when she argues. She tries, and usually succeeds, in tearing the person down until they feel like complete shit. This is just the beginning. Fortunately, I'm not going to let it escalate that far.

"Oh, sure. My music is better than yours any day."

Getting irritated, she just put in her headphones, and turned the volume up so loud that I could make out what the lyrics were, and then resumed her game once again.

_We'll take a trip for two around the world.  
We'll have a bird's eye view of every single nation.  
I could be what you wanted. I could be what you needed.  
We're drifting apart 'cause we all do, and skies seem blue. _

I went over to her and pulled out one of her headphones.

"What the hell?" She shouted.

"Come here," I said, grabbing her spindly arm and taking her into the kitchen where the guys were sitting. There was a separate entrance through a door to the kitchen, so she couldn't hear them talking.

She saw them all sitting there, and by the look her face, she was really shocked. I think I've done good.

"Oh shit! My game!" She said, rushing back into the living room to continue playing. I could tell she was really overwhelmed, since she was nervously humming to herself.

"Awe it's so cute!" I heard Phil say from the kitchen. I went in there to see what was so cute.

"Oh, that's Satan, Audrey's cat."

"Satan? That's kind of unsettling," Dan said.

"I know-" I began.

"He was named after Mark Twain's cat," she shouted from her usual spot. I'm pretty sure she plays games until she falls asleep in that beanbag.

"C'mon," I said, motioning for them to come into the living room.

"I'm home, you guys," Sierra said, as she entered the house with her usual busy looking attire. "Nobody bother me." She went straight into the living room and sat down and started typing away.

Audrey sat there, still playing her game, her eyes being damaged by each second.

"You know, your gonna hurt your eyes by sitting that close to the TV," I said.

"Actually, you can't damage your eyes by sitting too close to the TV. The most it does is strain them," she said.

"Can you turn that down? I'm trying to work?" Sierra said. Audrey did nothing but turn the TV up more. "Hey! Are you deaf too?" She said even louder. Again, Audrey did nothing but turn the TV up more. "You are impossible," she said, gathering her things and going into her room in defeat.

"Do you really have to be like that?" I asked Audrey. She, still, did nothing.

"Is that a limited first edition Super Mario Brother's game?" PJ asked, getting up and look at upon the shelf.

"Yeah," I said, as Audrey was still acting like an infant and wasn't responding to anyone. "It's Audrey's though."

"_They crowned the sun. They crowned the sun. But I believe that they are free. When their time was done. They were drowned by the only one. But I believe that they are free. Washed by the sun," _she sang, having turned the volume down.

"What song is that?" Chris asked, "it sounds really familiar."

"Harakiri by Serj Tankian," she responded.

Audrey isn't getting any better, and I have no idea on how I can help her.

**Sup yo. So like yeah. Pleassssssse review this and tell me if you like it or not! :DDDD And, if you're nice, you should try to guess which girl is going to "get with" Chris! :D By the way, you should look all these songs up and puke up rainbows at how amazing and beautiful they are. :D**


	2. Occupied Tears

**Sooooooo, I'm already in love with this story. Just saying. I don't really care how pompous loving my own story sounds. I'll probably update this one every two seconds. **

Sierra

_/aeljgr/set?id=53076246_

Sometimes, I just really hate Audrey. Ever since _that_ happened, she's been a huge bitch. I don't really care if she was hurt, she doesn't have to treat everyone like complete shit and shut everyone out. And just because Giselle keeps babying her doesn't mean I'm going to. She's not five anymore. She's twenty for God's sake! I'm sure she keeps milking her problems for attention.

I sound like a horrible best friend right now. But, frankly, I don't care. She needs to grow up.

I got up, early as usual, to get ready for school. Because unlike Audrey, I didn't drop out. Well, she says she's only taking a year off, but with the way she's been acting, I don't think she'll ever do anything right again. Anyway, I got up and headed off to school. I'm majoring in psychology and art.

When I first told Audrey I was majoring in art, she said, and I quote, "Ha! An art degree? You can't do shit with an art degree! You're gonna go around looking for a job and they're going to ask you your strength and you'll have to fucking say 'I can paint a pretty picture'".

I sat throughout class paying close attention and taking careful notes, per usual. Then, my professor began dividing us into groups.

I never was too fond of the people in this class. They're all so pretentious. And, Audrey's worst enemy is in here. She doesn't know who I am, because I've only heard of her through Audrey and our late best friend, Jake, who dated her. She always gave me dirty looks. I've never done anything wrong to her, so I don't see what her problem was.

"Sierra with Liliana," my professor called out.

"What's your address?" Liliana said, coming up to me, while I couldn't even begin to fathom over the fact that out of all people in the room, I had to be paired with her.

"Why can't we do it at your house?"

"Because I don't want people knowing where I live."

"Come over tomorrow at around 6," I said writing down my address. Audrey is going to be pissed.

When I got home, Audrey was in the same place that she always is. That fucking beanbag.

"Audrey..."I began. Surprisingly, she paused her game and turned to me.

"Woah, you seem upset. What's wrong?"

"Come here," I said as we walked over to the kitchen table. "So, you remember Liliana? Well, she's in my art class, okay. And, well, my professor paired us up for a project and is coming over tomorrow," I said, trying to hurry so it would take her longer to process my strung-together words.

"What?" She yelled out. "You're letting Jew nose in here? No! Just no!"

"What's going on?" Giselle asked after she came in and saw Audrey with her angry face on.

"Sierra decided to invite Jew Nose over tomorrow," she said.

"Liliana? Why would you invite her over?"

"Because I got paired up with her for an assignment. It's not my fault."

"This is a Jew free zone! No Jews allowed! Her nose is going to be sucking up all the air just because it's free!"

I really hate it when she says racist things like that, I know she's just kidding, but that doesn't make it right, but she does it all the time.

"Who's Liliana?" Dan asked as he came in for something. Dan and phil stayed behind today while PJ and Chris explored.

We all walked into the living room, because I figured she wouldn't cause as big of a scene as she normally would in front of everyone.

"Liliana is this girl that Audrey's always had a problem with since she's known of her."

"Why is that?" Phil asked.

"Well," Audrey said, "she dated our friend, Jake, right? They went out for a while, and they seemed all happy, and then one day, she _texted_ him saying she doesn't like him anymore, and that she only went out with him to get the attention she so desperately needed. And then we later find out that it was also to get another guy. Also, the year before that she dated some guy for _six hours_ just for a home coming ticket. So, automatically, she lost all the friends they shared. She fucked over one of the sweetest guys I know, so after that, the bitch is dead to me.

"So, a few months after that," she continued, "I texted her giving her cat facts. It was hysterical. But she got all butthurt and told her mom, and then her mommy called Jake and I up and was just like 'I've been putting up with this for months! If you bother her again, I'm going to the school!' and I don't even go to their school, so how does that work? So I apologized to her the next day and then all was fine and dandy. And then about a month after, she texted Jake again saying she wanted to be friends, and then he said no because her apology was 'I haven't changed, I'm still the same person, but I'm apologizing'. That isn't an apology, it's a plea for friends because she realized everyone hates her. And then she called him heartless and stuff, but he told me not to text her because she isn't worth it. And then we left her alone.

"Then again, about a month later, there was this festival at her old school, and me and Jake went because he said it's really fun. It was kind of cold that day, so we went inside one of the tents, and it's also a pretty small festival, so we saw the same people a billion times. And the tent we sat in, just so happened to be the same one her family was working in. And when we went and walked around, we saw her chinky friend, and every time we saw her, me and one of Jake's friends would yell something like ching chang chong, or bow to your sensei, get back to studying, and, my personal favorite, you ate my cat, because my cat had ran away a few weeks prior to that. And then we left without any problems.

"And, then, about a week later, her mom called me up and left a message, because I left my phone somewhere and didn't answer, and said she was going to the police and that she's been collecting records of things _I've_ been doing to her. I haven't done anything to her. She gave Jake her password, and we got into it, but we didn't change anything, all we did was see if she was talking about us, and she was. But, I called her mom back, and was like 'someone hijacked her account and changed a bunch of stuff. Blah, blah, blah, I'm a huge bitch, and my daughter's an idiot, blah, blah, blah'. And as I was trying to explain what is actually happening, her mom wouldn't shut the fuck up, so I raised my voice, and then her mom hung up. I called back and said I want to talk about it, in a calm and civilized fashion, but they never called back. So, I went over to Jake's house and we called them back and her mom never told me what actually happened, but someone apparently messaged her friends off of a fake account saying rude things, and they assumed it was me. If it was me, I'd be bragging about it, but I didn't do anything. She said Liliana was curled up in a ball crying. If you get that upset over Facebook, then you just shouldn't be on the internet. You're too fragile for the internet if you cry just because someone made a fake of you. Imagine her on chatroulette or 4chan or something. Anyway, her mom hung up again because I had to raise my voice to get my point across. And then I called back about an hour later and apologized for the things I did in the past, which was only cat facts, and for getting loud. And that was that. I didn't talk to her again until I got a scholarship to Jake's school, the same one she goes to. And one day after school, towards the end of the year, she came up to me, and started accusing me of talking about her behind her back. I couldn't believe she had the nerve to actually come up to me instead of telling her mommy or something. Anyway, that escalated, and I basically pointed out everything wrong with her and how she should be grateful for her life instead of complaining about it all the time, and then she called me dirty and poor, so eventually, I hit her and I told her that I could ruin her, and if I get a call from her mommy I will ruin her. And that was the last time I spoke to her."

"How could you ruin her?" Dan asked.

"I know her passwords for everything, being that I have her email. And I also know where she lives. I'm also from Compton, one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in LA, so I could get my hood rat friends on her."

"This is a primarily safe part of LA, and when we first moved in, she said 'all the neighbors are going to ask me where I'm from, and I'll tell them, and then they think I'm gonna shoot them up or something. But I'm not'," Giselle said.

"You're one of the people that confuse me as to why they live in Compton," Audrey said to Giselle.

"Why?"

"Because you had a 3-D TV while the rest of us struggled to eat."

"But then we moved and I didn't fit in there! The first day, someone asked me if I had a gun."

"I'm still mad," she said, shooting a dirty look at me while she got up and looked through her games. I knew she was picking out a scary game by the titles they had. _Condemned: Criminal Origins, BioShock, Siren: Blood Curse, Doom 3, Silent Hill 1, 2, 3, and 4, F.E.A.R. Project Origin, Fatal Frame, Dead Space, Penumbra, _and then, finally, her favorite. _Amnesia: The Dark Descent._

She put in the game and let the start up screen go on while she got ready to play. I stared at the pixelated roses on the floor of the corridor while she got snacks and drinks and sat down on her beanbag.

"I don't understand this game," Giselle commented.

Well, nobody really does. It's not like normal survival horror games. Most of those types of games give you weapons to fight off the monsters, but in this game, the only thing you can do is run. You can hide in the shadows, but then you lose your sanity, which you have to keep level throughout the game.

"How so?" She responded.

"Why do you keep running? Shoot the damn thing already!"

"You don't get weapons," Dan responded for her.

"That's stupid."

"Hey, Sierra, it's your mom!" She said, as she was being chased by a monster with hands or something for a face.

"What is that thing?"

"It's a Gatherer," she said. "The fuck? What are you? What the fuck are you doing? You're like a duck!" She said as this faceless thing with it's arms behind it's back waddled into sight.

"I don't understand how you can play this," Giselle said, getting up. She's always been so easy to scare.

"_Dark is the light. The man you fight. With all your prayers, incantations. Running away, a trivial day. Of judgment and deliverance. To whom was sold, this bounty soul. A gentile or a priest? Who victored over, the Seljuks, when the holy land was taken?" _Audrey sang.

"_War?"_ Dan asked. Audrey just vigorously nodded her head.

When Chris and PJ came home, they sat down on the couch and starred at the screen, with a mildly horrified expression on their faces.

"What are you playing?" PJ asked.

"_Amnesia: The Dark Descent," _she said, dropping her voice so it was low and hoarse.

After a while, it was Dan's turn to play a game, so she sat up on the couch next to Giselle.

**Hai guise. You should tell me what you think of this. Or else I will cry. This really doesn't have much to do with the story between them, it's just kind of for me to get stuff off of my chest, because Liliana represents a real person and all of those things have happened between us, except the fight at the end. The next one will be for when she comes over so can tell her stuff without her getting upset and telling her mommy.**


	3. All Apologies

_rehyefdagd/set?id=53088609 _

Audrey

Harakiri is the ritual suicide preformed by samurais by slashing one's abdomen in a traditional Japanese society. It is commanded by the government in the cases of disgraceful officials.

And right now, I wish I could do that to myself.

I was alone all day, which Giselle would never allow, being my current state. So, naturally, I played my video games all day. Not the scary ones. That's too frightening when alone.

Finally, around 5, an hour before Liliana was supposed to arrive, everyone came home. Except for Sierra.

"I know she's going to try to start something," I said as it was pushing 6 o'clock and Sierra still wasn't home.

"Well, don't let her get to you," Giselle said.

"You've never met her. You don't know how impossible she is."

I started feeling nervous because I knew she was going to start something, and I'm not the person you want to mess with right now, so I started playing _Grand Theft Auto: San Andres_. That always calms me.

About twenty minutes after I started playing, there was a knock at the door. Giselle looked at me, as if I was supposed to answer the door. She finally got up realizing I wasn't going to be the one to let _it_ in.

"Sierra's not here yet, but you're welcome to wait while she gets here," Giselle said, letting _it_ in.

She hasn't changed much since I've seen her. She was still skinny, but not the cute kind of skinny, the gross kind of skinny. Like a prepubescent who's metabolism still trying to level out. It looked painful for her bones to be jutting out beneath her pale skin. Her hair was still as thin and lifeless as it ever was. Her style hasn't improved much either.

I don't think she recognized either of my friends, or else she wouldn't have agreed to this.

"What is she doing here?" She said, in her whiny, rich white girl voice, giving me the dirtiest look she possibly could.

"Oh, I live here," I said as she tried to sit down next to me, since the guys were sitting on the other couch. "Nope," I said, stretching my legs out to take up the other seat, "They're all taken. Yup, that one too. You can sit on the floor," I said, giving the straightest face I possibly could. She only leaned against the wall.

"Audrey..." Giselle sighed, giving _that_ look.

I got up and walked into the kitchen. No later than two seconds, I walked back out. "I fucking live here. I shouldn't have to go into another room," I said as I resumed my seat on the loveseat next to Giselle.

"How's Jake," she asked.

"Like you give a fuck," I said, tensing up.

"Just because we broke up doesn't mean I never cared."

"No, it doesn't, but the way you treated him and acted afterward does."

"I was so nice to him afterward _and_ during!" She said defensively.

"The fuck you were! You called him heartless, threatened to get him expelled because things weren't going your way, almost gave us a criminal record because you were mad, and you admitted to using him, and got mad because you're more apathetic than Kristen Stewart."

"_Shut up cunt, I'll cut your tongue. Back down bitch, you're fucking done," _ she said. At that, I burst out laughing.

"Excuse me while I contemplate suicide. If you're going to try to insult me or scare me with lyrics, don't use the fucking Millionaires. If we're doing that, then I choose Tool. _I will find a center in you, I will chew it up and leave. I will work to elevate you, just enough to bring you down,"_ I said as I got up and went into the kitchen, for good this time.

About a minute later, somebody else comes in. "Hey," Chris said.

"Please, kill me," I said, putting my head down on the table.

"Why do you hate her so much?" He asked.

"Long story short, she fucked over my best friend, then almost got us arrested for someone else's trolling, and is just a massive bitch."

"Wow... She's out there rambling on about how she never hurt Jake. That's his name, right?"

"Yeah. She's one of the few people in this world that deserve to get hurt."

"Oh, am I now?" She said coming through the doors. All I did was roll my eyes. "You don't know what I've been through!"

"Actually, from what you've told Jake, your life seems pretty nice."

"Oh, really? What did I tell Jake?"

"Well, apart from the fact that you're from Huntington Beach, and pay about $9,000 a year for school, you always have a meal, you have a nice house, your parents are still together, and you have a mac that your dad got you just because it's Wednesday."

"My life is way worse compared to yours! My mom's a bitch!"

"Oh yeah, and you call your mom a bitch just because she wouldn't drive you to the mall one time. I would've killed to have your life."

"My life sucks," she said.

"I'm pretty sure I can name five eventful things that have happened to me the last few years than you can in your entire life."

"Oh, you can? I dare you!"

"Well, firstly, I grew up in Compton, one of the most dangerous and poor neighborhoods in LA, meaning I rarely got fed a meal and lived in constant fear. Secondly, my mom would shoot herself up with heroin in front of us. Thirdly, my dad left, and then came back, and then left again, and did that pattern continued. Fourth, I became homeless because my mom couldn't afford the house anymore. And fifth, Jake drove his car into a brick wall, killing himself."

"You deserve it," she said.

I decided to not even argue anymore. I got up, and walked out the door. I walked out to the fire escape, but before I closed the door, I heard my front one open. I hoisted myself up and laid on the roof, looking at the orange sky with it's setting sun.

"Are you okay?" Chris asked, lying next to me.

"I guess."

"She was completely out of line. That was ridiculous what she said."

"I hope somebody fucks her over so she knows what pain feels like."

He turned his head towards me and for a moment, everything froze. And I could tell time froze for him too. He leaned in more, but then I panicked.

"Well, we should get inside before Giselle thinks I'm jumping off the building or something," I said standing up and walking back down to the inside of the building.

**Hai guise. I'll try ot post a new one tomorrow or sumtin. I like this one. You should too. Just because I said so. **


	4. Aerials

_/lk_jergt/set?id=53498509_

**In this world, Proposition 19 passed, by the way (A California law stating that marijuana is legal and stuffz), even though in real life, it didn't (it should have).**

Giselle

The next day, Liliana came over again. The next day, Audrey was pissed as ever.

It was earlier in the afternoon, around 3.

As they both came out of our room (Sierra and I share, while Audrey has a small room to herself), she sat herself down next to Sierra on the floor.

"Nice shirt," Liliana sarcastically said, giving Audrey a dirty look. I looked at her shirt to see why Liliana would say that. Her shirt said "It's 420, let's get baked", with a rather terrifying man in a chef's hat holding some blunts.

"Your point?" Audrey replied, laying in her beanbag, while the boys played _Mario _on her old NES.

"Nothing, it's just that it's illegal," Liliana said.

"Actually, marijuana is legal in California," Audrey retorted.

"Since when?"

"It's been being legal since 2010, when Proposition 19 passed."

"Still, it's bad for you."

"I bet you're going to vote for Mitt Romney," Audrey said.

"I am, actually," Liliana said.

"Oh god..." Audrey scoffed.

"What's so wrong with him?"

"First of all, he wants to outlaw all abortions, even in situations of rape and incest. He also wants to cut off all funding to Planned Parenthood-" Audrey began.

"That's not bad! Abortions are bad!" Liliana said. I just knew Audrey was going to debate.

"Why are you still here?" she asked.

"Because we need a break. We're going to start back up soon."

"And abortions aren't bad," Audrey said.

"The aborted child could be the next Einstein!"

"First of all, it's not a child, it's a parasite, inside a woman's body. And second of all, it could be the next Hitler or Attila the Hun."

"A parasite? It's a baby!"

"It's a fucking parasite. It needs someone else to live, just like a flea or a tapeworm. It's not a baby until it's born. Prior to that, it's a fetus, so stop referring to it as a baby."

"Life begins at conception," Liliana said.

"Then why wasn't I able to legally drink three months after my 20th birthday then? Or why wasn't I able to vote until the day I turned 18? Because life begins at birth."

"It's killing a baby! That's morally wrong!"

"You know what else is morally wrong?" Audrey said. I knew exactly where she going with this. "Dropping bomb on children."

"Who does that?" Liliana asked.

"The soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq."

"No they don't! The American military is very respectable and responsible!"

"The fuck we are. They drop bombs on innocent civilians, they rape Iranian and Iraqi women. The US government started an illegal oil war."

"The Arabs bombed us!"

"They never bombed us, the most they, supposedly, did was fly a plane into us."

"What do you mean 'supposedly'?"

"9/11 was an inside job."

"You're crazy."

"No, I'm not. The CIA trained Bin Laden in the '80's, and the towers collapsed by aided bombs inside the building, due to the way it fell. Also, how the fuck are you supposed to hijack a plane with a box cutter?"

"Going back to what we were talking about before, you're just one of those pot smoking beaners," Liliana said. This would be the part where Audrey gets mad and makes Jew jokes, but I don't know if she will in front of everyone.

"Whatever, I'm not even Mexican."

"But you're so dark..."

"That don't mean I'm Mexican. There are plenty of other countries where the people are brown."

"What are you then?"

"I'm not telling you."

"So you're probably Mexican."

"Close but no _cigar_," Audrey said, trying to get Liliana to take the hint. Of course, she was too stupid to get it.

"I think our break is over," Sierra said, leaving Liliana back into our room.

"What are you then if you're not Mexican?" Dan asked.

"I'm Armenian and Cuban. I mean, my last name's Kazanjian-Ramirez."

After Liliana left, me and Sierra went out to party like Rebecca Black, leaving Audrey home with the boys.

When we came back, they were all asleep on the floor, with the menu screen for _The Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift_ looping over and over again.

I went into our linen closet and some blankets, figuring they might be cold. I looked over and saw the cutest thing ever. Chris lying on his back, with Audrey curled up in fetal position, her head nuzzling into his ribs. I put the blankets down and went into Audrey's room to get her stuffed lion (of whom she named Jambi, after the Tool song), and put it under her arm. She started to stir, but then Chris put his arms around her and she stopped. I then covered everybody up and went to bed.

**Hai guise. I hope you don't get upset because of my opinions up thurr. I'm probably the most opinionated person you will ever meet...**


	5. Blood Red White and Blue

**This one is kind of triggering (includes a lot of self-harm and stuffz), and it's kind of disturbing because I decided to really get inside Audrey's head. **

_/rgynjzsjnhyaerh/set?id=53617982_

Audrey

_Running, running, running. She just kept running barefoot through the forest. She glanced back for the millionth time. She was crying. She was screaming._

BANG!

_And she fell to the ground, still trying to crawl away, even though there was a bullet in her leg._

_She was then dragged all the way back to a dingy shed on the edge of the forest. _

I woke up to my head hitting the ground. I yelped a little bit, still feeling kind of jumpy from my usual nightmares. I looked over to see Chris with bed head, stretching while the rest of the guys were still sleeping.

They had only been here three weeks, out of their eight week vacation.

"Are you okay?" he asked, noticing how jumpy I was being.

"Yeah, I just had a bad dream." An understatement.

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked.

"Nah, that never really helps me."

"Hungry?" he asked as we got up, and went into the kitchen as he made me some eggs.

"What happened the other day on the r-" he began.

"I'm going to go shower," I said getting up after I ate my breakfast.

That day we went out on the roof was the first time I've been outside in two months...

I turned the water up so high that I swear I could feel my skin begin to boil, and then pulled my knees up to my chest and cried. I ran my fingers through my hair. A million thin red little hairs intertwined between them.

I watched as the clear water at the bottom of the tub quickly turned a bright crimson. I watched as my stomach and legs oozed out scarlet. I watched as my hands rapidly turned into the color of my hair. I watched as I destroyed my own body.

_FAT_ my stomach read back to me.

_UGLY_ my left thigh screamed.

_Stupid_ I taunted at myself.

_Walking through my mind it seems  
All my thoughts are hurting me  
Tear my veins with apathy,  
Till I can no longer bleed._

I let the shower run while I leaned over the toilet and stuck my fingers in my mouth until everything came back up, then swished around some mouthwash. Normally, I wouldn't allow myself to even eat, let alone that much, or even in front of Chris.

I stepped onto the scale. I knew it'd ruin my entire day, but I'd rather that than anything else.

90.

That number still doesn't satisfy me. Even if I did reach my goal weight, I still wouldn't be happy. I'll never be happy.

Then I remembered how truly fucked up I am. But I could never tell anyone what really messed me up. Nope. No one knows except Giselle and Sierra. I can only tell how I deal with it.

When I got out of the shower, my skin was red from the hot water. I went straight into my room and laid down, staring at the ceiling. I don't even cry anymore, I just sit there with an expressionless face letting my painful emotions fill my head.

I went into the kitchen and sat at the table, staring at the table. What am I doing with my life?

"You okay?" Chris asked, coming in.

"Yeah, I guess," I said. What a fucking lie.

"Can we talk?" he said.

"I guess. On the roof?" I said as we got up. I looked into the living room. Everyone was still asleep. I glanced at the clock. 11:30 am. The sun should be high in the sky today.

We walked out of the building, and then laid in the blazing sun.

"What happened the other day?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"Are you really that oblivious to see that I tried to kiss you?" he asked.

"This is all so surreal."

"What is?"

"A few weeks ago, I was fangirling over you guys, being sad because I knew I'd most likely never meet you, and now you guys have slept on my couch, and I'm lying on my roof with you."

"So you're just a fan girl?"

"No, I worded that badly. You guys are like my heroes. I look up to you guys. I don't think of you guys as the kids from YouTube, since I got to know the kids behind the camera. Even prior to that, I didn't like you guys for your looks, I liked you guys because I liked the content of your guys's videos."

"Back to the initial question," he said.

"You don't want me," I said.

"Yes I do. I think you're an amazing girl."

"No, you don't want someone like me."

"Like what?"

"Someone that tries to kill themselves or cuts themselves or who starves themselves. You don't want someone like that."

"What?"

"Exactly."

"Please, tell me everything."

___No one could love me. No one __does ____love me. How could anyone? Why would anyone?_

___I picked up my razor, as I usually do, except instead of aiming for my stomach or legs, I went for my wrists. My perfectly clean wrists. I dug deeper and deeper into my veins. It didn't hurt though. I don't feel pain anymore._

___The blood was all over. I ran into the bathroom, realizing what I just done. I don't want to die._

___I tried to wash it all off. I tried to stop the bleeding. I began shaking and crying._

"___Audrey, are you-" Giselle asked as I turned around._

"___It won't stop," I sobbed showing her my wrists._

"___What the fuck Audrey?" Sierra yelled._

"___I'm sorry!" I yelled back. "I'm sorry all I do is mess up!" I said as I ran into my room, locking the door, and then hiding underneath my bed, wrapping my wrists in gauze from the old first aid kid I got a while back._

"___Audrey!" Giselle yelled through the door. "Open up."_

"___No! You're just going to lock me up in the hospital!"_

"___I swear we won't! If you don't go to the ER..."_

"I then cooperated, and went to the hospital. They forced me to go to a week of crazy camp. I'm also supposed to go to group therapy, but I don't do want to," I concluded.

"Why would you do that to yourself?"

"I started cutting because I needed a way to cope, even though I knew better. Now I can't stop."

"No, why would you attempt suicide?"

"It wasn't a suicide attempt, it was an escape from everything awful. When I cut, I'm in control. I make my own pain and I can stop whenever I want. For that brief moment, cutting is the only thing in my mind, and when that stops and the other comes back, it's weaker. Drugs do that, but it's not like cutting. Nothing's like cutting."

"Why?"

"I don't like remembering things. Remembering makes me feel things. I don't like feeling things."

"Seriously, what happened?"

"I can't..."

"Why do you starve yourself? You're so thin..."

"Starving yourself doesn't take motivation, it takes self hatred."

"But you're so beautiful..."

"___If I got down to 070.00 I'd want to be 065.00. If I weighed 010.00 I wouldn't be happy till I got down to 005.00. The only number that would ever be enough is 0. Zero pounds, zero life, size zero, double zero, zero point. Zero in tennis is love. I finally get it."_

"Listen to me, Audrey. You're perfect. I can't even begin to describe how perfect you are."

"If anyone's perfect here, it'd be you."

"Sure..."

"I'm serious. You're hysterical, you can act, and your face. I can't even begin to fathom how perfect your face is."

"Back to you, why do you do this to yourself?"

"I don't want to talk about it..."

"Please..."

"No. I don't feel comfortable with that."

"You probably think I'm some kind of crazy bitch now..."

"No, just...when you're ready, please come talk to me. When you feel like hurting yourself, please, don't hesitate to talk to me. I'm here for you," he said.

All I could do was smile like an idiot while the sun reflected perfectly off of his flawless face.

*laterz*

I woke up from another horrible nightmare. In tears, I grabbed Jambi and ran into the living room.

"Chris," I whispered, shaking his sleeping body. "Chris...Wake up."

"What?" He groggily said.

"Come into the kitchen with me," I whispered as we both sat down across from each other in my kitchen.

"Why'd you wake me up," he said, still adjusting.

"I had a bad dream..."

"What was it about?"

"I was remembering 9/11."

"You remember that?"

"Perfectly. It was Tuesday, in the morning. My dad let all of us stay home that day because he didn't feel like taking us to school. I always used to watch the morning. That was the last day. I remember the broadcast I watched showed the building smoking, and I was so confused. And then a second plane flew into the south tower. I started screaming for my dad because I thought they were going to fly to us. Of course, now I realize that they would've been stopped by the time they even got here."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I always have nightmares. But they're usually worse than this."

"How so?"

"They're usually about murders, as creepy as it is."

"What kind?"

"The kind where people are slowly tortured to death... I'm too scared to find out what it means."

"Are you gonna be okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I suppose so. Will you sleep with me tonight?" I asked.

Of course, he did.

**Hai guise. Tell me what you think. Please. 3 :D**


	6. It Could Happen

_**This one is kind of triggering as well (not in the same kind of way.). And may or may not get dirty...**_

___tdgae/set?id=53796583 (I doubt anyone looks at these, but I have fun making them so I don't really care)_

_Chris_

Her room kind of reminded me of a young teenager's. It was covered in band posters. A Pink Floyd poster above her bed, an Alien Ant Farm one next to her closet, System of a Down above her desk. Also, there was an upside-down American flag, with "there is no flag large enough to hide the shame of killing innocent people" written on the white stripes. There were also a bunch of very intricate and beautiful drawings around her desk, all signed ASKR.

But the cutest part was the fact that she had pink Hello Kitty bedding.

I woke up at around 11 in the morning to Audrey slightly snoring. I looked over at her. Her mouth was slightly open, with a bit of drool running down her flawless cheek. I then got up and walked out of her bedroom.

"Where were you last night?" PJ asked.

"I slept in Audrey's room..." I said, knowing they're going to get the wrong idea.

"Oh really?" Dan said, giving me a suggestive look, as the rest of them were.

"It's not what you think. She had a nightmare and got scared and wanted me to stay with her."

"Sure," they all mumbled.

After about an hour, everyone came out of their rooms.

Audrey took her normal position and played video games in her beanbag.

"Hey, we're all going to the beach, wanna come?" Giselle asked Audrey.

"Um...no," Audrey said, as if the answer was obvious.

"Come on, it'll be fun."

"Fun? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

"But I don't want you here alone..." she said.

"I'll stay. I don't really like swimming. It's always too cold," I said, as the rest of the guys gave me a weird look.

After everyone left, we went back into her room, and sat on her bed. Almost immediately after she sat down, her eyes started to water and tears rolled down her perfect cheeks.

"What's wrong?" I asked, trying not to sound panicked.

"You won't understand," she said through jagged breaths.

"How do you know?"

"Because no one does."

"Tell me, please."

"Please, don't judge me," she said. "Two months ago, I was raped," she said as she cried even harder, barely choking out the last word.

I didn't even know what to say to her, so I just hugged her.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked.

"I was walking alone back home from university," she begun, forcing back tears, "being that I don't have a car. But, I ended up taking the wrong turn and got lost. I asked an average looking guy for a ride because I didn't know where the fuck I was. He missed the turn, and he said he'd turn at the next one, but he didn't. He kept driving and driving until we were far along a beach, with no one around. He touched me, he kissed me, he told me not to fight, to just let him touch me. He made me strip for him. And then, he destroyed my life.

"I feel so dirty," she concluded.

"But you're not," I urged.

"Yes, I am," she said, burying her face in her pillow.

"No, you're not," I persisted, "it's not your fault."

"Yes, it is."

"How could it be your fault? He made you, that's no fault of your own, that's his fault."

"Because I got into the car."

"You were lost, that's not your fault."

"But it is my fault," she said.

"Listen to me," I said, as she sat up, tears still streaming down her face. "It's not your fault, so please, don't think it is,"I persisted, kissing her forehead and wiping her tears away. "I promise I'll never hurt you, and anyone's that's worth it won't either."

We stared into each others eyes, and then, this time, she leaned in for a kiss.

She put her thin arms around my neck as I put mine around her waist. As the kiss got more intense, she pulled me on top of her, and then she began to pull my shirt up. This escalated quickly.

As I began to pull her shirt up, she pulled it back down.

"I don't want you to see my body," she said.

"Why not?" I asked sympathetically.

"It's ugly."

"I'm almost 100% sure it's not," I said as she let me lift up her shirt.

I looked down, not really sure how to register this. Her stomach was covered in thick cuts and dark scars, one part even said "FAT". Then there was her belly button ring, which had a pair of brass knuckles dangling from it.

"Why would you do that to yourself, Audrey?" I asked.

"I don't know."

"Please don't cry again," I begged, telling she was about to.

She then pulled me back down and kissed me again. She unbuckled my belt, and we both continued with this pattern until we were both naked.

"I've never done this before," she confessed, as our skin pressed up against one another.

"I have..." I said.

"How many times?"

"You'll be the third person," I said, not really sure how to say that.

"Oh..."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked, as my member touched her outer ring.

"Yes, please be gentle," she said after a second, nodding her head.

I could feel her whole body tense up, and relax, and I could hear a tiny gasp escape as I put myself inside of her. It actually kind of hurt me physically since she was a virgin.

Audrey's sounds of love were a combination of little squeaks and gasps, and mine were just kind of grunts and gasps. And with every thrust I made in and out of her, her squeaks got louder and louder. As my hips hit her bony ones, my gasps turned into moans. After I planted my seed inside of her, I rolled over and laid on the bed next to her.

I looked over at her and started running my fingers along her scars and cuts. "Would you do me a favor?"

"Of course," she responded.

"Don't do this again," I said pointing to the marks.

"I guess I'll try."

"Please. For me?"

"Okay. I will."

"And I want you to start eating more. Like seriously, look at your legs," I said I pointed at her scrawny, bruised up legs.

"I don't know..." she said.

I looked up at her and stared into her big brown eyes. "The way you eat is really dangerous, especially since you throw it up after wards."

"How did you know I threw up?"

"I can tell by the scrapes on your knuckles. And by the fact that you always go to the bathroom right after you eat."

"How do you know about that?"

"I have a sister."

"It's not that easy to just eat though."

"Could you just try?"

She sat there silently, not saying a word.

-since this thing is a faggot and won't take the universal *** time lapse symbols, it just edits it out, I have to write it out so you guys know that there is a time lapse-

At dinner, Audrey and I ate in the kitchen together, instead of eating in the living room, like everyone else. She finished a small portion of Spaghetti-O's, and she stayed there and talked me for a while after wards.

"This is making me nervous," she said.

"How so?"

"My body's already absorbed the calories, so even if I did get everything up, it wouldn't matter."

"You don't need to be doing that. You're already so thin," I said.

She's exceptionally thin, but she isn't bony looking like most anorexics are. Her bones don't jut out at painful angles underneath her skin, and she has an hourglass figure, so she's got some shape. She had a nice body, except it was extremely thin.

"It's not about being thin or skinny."

"Then what is it?"

"It's about being perfect. I grew up watching my mom eat and now she's fat and no one loves her, and that's one of my biggest fears. Ending up like her. And the media attributes beauty with skinny, and it makes girls feel like that if they're not skinny enough they're not good enough and no one will ever like them," she said, getting up and washing our dishes in the sink.

"Well, I think you're perfect," I said, coming up behind her and putting my arms around her waist, and resting my head on top of hers, being that I easily towered over her 5' frame. She then turned around, wrapped her cold arms around my neck and kissed me.

**Hai guise. I dunno why, but the ideas keep flowing for this one, but I haven't gotten any for my other stories. HELP! I might actually delete this though...I'm not sure how I feel about bringing le sexy tiem into it so early, and especially since it was right after she revealed **_**that**_** to him. I dunno. Well, BAI GUISE! **


	7. Oh Well, Oh Well

**Just so no one gets butthurt, there is a pretty vulgar and offensive word, but it's not geared towards anyone or any race, it's not a racial slur or anything. I'll explain it when I get there. But don't ex out of it and be like "this bitch racist" because I'm not. Stoners know...There's also a big section on "doing" weed, so don't get butthurt over that too. **

**/rwhs/set?id=54457665**

Sierra

"We're over," Tyler said as he came up to me after work.

"What?"

"You heard me. We're over."

"But why?" I asked, holding back tears.

"I don't see us working out."

"We've been together for five years, how can you not see us working out?"

"Actually, I see me and Eliza working out."

"Eliza Russel? The captain of the cheer leading squad?"

"Yeah. We've been 'working out' for the past few months, if you know what I mean."

"Fuck you, Tyler," I said, brushing past him and getting in my car.

I sat there and rested my head on the steering wheel and cried. I just cried.

Five years of my life, just to be wasted on him cheating on me. With the skank from the cheer leading squad.

I hate everything.

I eventually pulled myself together and drove home.

Before I walked through the door, I checked to make sure my eyes weren't red, and then I saw Audrey and Chris coming out from her bedroom. They've gotten really close the past few weeks. I think Audrey's finally opening up to someone about her issues.

I started tearing up again thinking about how much I loved Tyler.

"What's wrong?" Audrey asked, her eyes full of concern.

"Tyler broke up with me today," I said as she awkwardly hugged me, but I know she's not one for physical affection, so I knew she was expressing sympathy.

"What happened?"

"It turns out he was cheating on me."

"Go change into something you don't care about. All of you," she said pointing to everyone.

We both went back into the hallway that led to our rooms, and she went into her room and stayed there for about 5 minutes while everyone sat in the living room, confused as to what Audrey was doing.

When she came back she had an old white sheet covered in paint and marker and other types of art mediums stains, and wrapped up in it was a bunch of art supplies and paper and such. She dropped it on the floor and then began spreading the sheet out.

"Everyone has to participate," she said as everyone sat on the sheet and started being artistic.

"This isn't fair. They can actually draw," she said pointing to PJ, Chris and Audrey, "I can't." She then made a pout face, as if she was about to cry.

"Fuck yo cry face," Audrey said, causing an uproar in laughter. If there's one thing Audrey's good at, it's acting ghetto to get everyone to laugh. And basically getting everyone to laugh in general.

"I may be majoring in art, but I am bad at painting" I said.

"After this, we can watch Precious," Audrey said.

"Precious?" Dan asked.

"It's a funny movie. Even though it's not supposed to be funny."

"What's it about?"

"It's about this fat black girl who gets pregnant twice and gets kicked out of school, and her mom keeps trying to get her to go get welfare and shit but Precious is all 'no mama. I gotta go to school' and it's just funny."

"It's funny. Especially watching it with Audrey," Giselle said.

"Hey," I whispered in Audrey's ear, "do you think you could get me some...uh...pot."

"What made you change your mind?" She asked with a skeptical look.

"Tyler made me think it was bad and dangerous, but I didn't think so, but I still didn't do it, so I wanna try it now."

"Well, ask all them about it," she said picking up her phone.

I asked them all, and everyone but Dan and Chris declined.

"It's bad!" Giselle said.

"Mother fucker, it's legal," Audrey said. Giselle just sighed and rolled her eyes, knowing it's impossible to win an argument against Audrey. "You got five dollars?"

"Yeah," I said, pulling the bill out of my pocket.

"They call marijuana the gateway drug," Giselle continued.

"Are you retarded? Never have I ever been smoking and thought 'hey, we should try some meth'."

"Still..."

"Okay, well, he said he's home and stuff," she said as we all went downstairs.

Her "dealer" is this kid that lives downstairs that she's known for a very long time, named Derek. He's actually very nice.

"Hey, I'm Derek, nice to meet you guys," he said, shaking everyone's hand.

"Now or later?" Audrey asked. Apparently he knew what the hell that meant by saying now, and she gave him the money.

We all sat down on the floor of his apartment. I knew it smelled heavily of weed because I could smell it all the time on Audrey. There were Bob Marley blankets over the windows, instead of curtains. I guess blankets were more effective.

"We got some first timers here," she said.

"Ah, I know just what you guys need," he said walking into his room, and coming out with a bag of the stuff, this weird cylindrical thing, a cigarillo, this thing that looked like a pipe, except straight and with a dip in it, and a bong.

"Here," he said handing the bag, cylinder thing, and the cigarillo to Audrey. "Grind it up and stuff." Then he walked into the kitchen.

Audrey then put the contents of the bag into the cylinder thing (she opened it and there were pointy spikes in it) and she grinded it up. Next, she took the wrapper off of the cigarillo and carefully opened up the brown leafy substance surrounding the insides.

"What are you doing?" Chris asked.

"This is tobacco, so I'm removing it so I can put the weed in it," she said, as if it was obvious. She put the weed in it, and then sucked on the tear and it sealed up.

"What the hell?" I said.

"It seals it, stupid," she said as Derek walked in with Doritos, sodas, pork grinds, and other various snacks and drinks.

"Are you guys ready?" Derek asked as everyone said yes, and he lit up the cigarillo, and taking his first hit, and then passing it along to Audrey, she took a hit, coughed a little, and then she passed it off to me.

"What do I do?" I asked, holding it between my fingers.

"You just put it between your lips, and suck," she said, mimicking the movements with her own mouth. "No!" She yelled as I tried. "You just nigger lipped it!"

"What?" I yelled.

"Calm down. It means you got it all wet with your saliva," Derek said. "You don't' touch your lips to the blunt," he said calmly as I took my first hit, and then coughed up a storm, and handed it off to Chris, who handed it off to Dan, who all did the same.

"My mou-" I began as Audrey handed me a Pepsi. "How'd you know?"

"I've been smoking weed since I was 14. I know all about it."

As the so called "blunt" burned out, they put water in the bong and then they taught us how to smoke out of that. It took all three of us a while to figure it out, it's actually difficult your first time. Then they used the pipe thing, of which I found out was called a bowl.

"How high are you?" Derek asked.

"High as fuck," Audrey responded, laughing her typical laugh. It gets really high pitched at the end, and just makes everyone else laugh. "Imagine the first timers over here."

She was right, everyone was high. We were laughing, and eating, and chugging drinks. We were all calm and peaceful.

"Imagine if the Roman empire never fell," Audrey said. "How advance do you think we'd be? We'd probably have flying houses."

"Haha, yeah," we all sighed back.

By the time we left, our eyes were red, we were "chill as ever" (as Audrey says), and still hungry.

We went back upstairs and sat down on the couch to watch Precious. Audrey sat Indian style between me and Chris. One knee on me, but most of her other knee on Chris. She basically laughed at everything, and whenever Precious's mom came on, Audrey would say "it's my mom!".

Eventually, Audrey fell asleep, her head resting on Chris's shoulder, and then he fell asleep, his head resting on hers.

Ever since the boys came to stay with us, Audrey's really opened up. She hasn't been having break downs for no reason, and she's been just over all happier.

I've also noticed that her skin has gotten that healthy glow back, her hair became thicker and fuller again, and the light returned in her eyes. And her smile doesn't seem mechanic, especially when she's around the boys.

I really hope it stays that way after they leave. I also hope she can pull her life back together and go back to university. She's so smart, but she's wasting it all by doing nothing.


	8. The Young & The Hopeless

**So my mind's just like "HEY BRIANNA HERE'S ALL THESE IDEAS FOR THIS PARTICULAR STORY!" and I'm like "no brain. I want ideas for the others." "NO FUCK YOU. HERE'S IDEAS FOR THIS ONE!" "but..." "I WILL SLOWLY DRIVE US INSANE UNTIL YOU WRITE MY IDEAS"**

___/5tewrt/set?id=54637417_

Giselle

"I applied for university in the fall," Audrey said as I sat down next to her.

"That's great!" I said, trying not to sound too relived or excited. "What made you change your mind?"

"Why should I wait any longer. Especially since I want kids. The chance of having a kid with Down Syndrome increases after the age of 30."

"University doesn't take ten years..." Sierra said.

"The career I'm pursuing takes dedication, and I want to have a nice life before I have kids."

"What are you doing again?"

"I'm studying to become an epidemiologist."

"Don't get offended," Sierra said as the boys walked in, "but how are you paying for all this?"

"My sports and academic scholarships pay for basically everything."

"Oh yeah, that's right, you were in hockey and stuff."

"You? In hockey? You look like you'd break!" Dan said.

"Don't forget baseball and football," I said.

"You'd just snap in half!"

"On the contrary. They didn't have any girl's teams at my school, except for stupid things like volleyball and tennis, so I had to play with the guys for all three sports."

"So you played American football with a bunch of beefy guys?" PJ asked.

"Yup."

"Isn't football really violent?"

"Eh, kind of."

"Audrey, football is one of the most violent sports..." Sierra said.

She started laughing and then said "Football players got nothing on hockey players. Hockey players wear less padding, there's razor sharp blades on their feet, only sport where fighting is allowed without suspension, they got 100+ mph vulcanized rubber being shot at them, football players get a bruise and miss 3 games, hockey players break bones and miss 3 minutes."

"But there's 250 pound men jumping on top of each other."

"That's really the only thing football's got on hockey. The players are bigger. Hockey has a much faster pace, they allow bare knuckle fights, and they block fast moving pucks with their faces. In American football, they allow hair pulling."

"Well-"

"I've lost teeth because of hockey. I've gotten cut up because of hockey. I've broken bones because of hockey. I've never been injured because of football," she said as Sierra rolled her eyes.

"Is hockey really that violent?"

"Have you never seen a hockey game?" I asked.

"Hockey is more than just a game to me. It's a passion, a dedication. Hockey is life," Audrey said.

"Basketball is better," Sierra said.

Sierra played basketball in high school. She's tall and thin like most are.

"Not really. No one ever gets hurt during basketball games."

"I fell one of the other girls accidentally landed on my ankle and I couldn't play for the rest of the season."

"I was once shoved into the wall, and then I fell on my arm wrong and it broke, but I didn't notice that it did, so I played the rest of the game with a broken arm. I've been hit in the face with a puck and lost one of my wisdom teeth. I once fell and someone's skate somehow came loose and it came flying towards my face, but I blocked it with my arm and the skate dug into the bone. And that's only three stories."

Sierra just sighed and geared her attention towards the TV.

"I saw my old coach at the university today," Audrey said.

"And?" I said.

"He told me to try out for the team again. But he also said that since I lost a lot of muscle and weight, I'd have to gain it all back."

There was a light knock on the door as Audrey got up to open it. She came back into the living room, her little brother following behind her.

Her brother was a spitting image of her, except a boy, and a bit taller. He was lanky, thin, and had the same thick, curly, jet black hair Audrey used to have. He even had the same olive skin she had. Those same big brown eyes, with thick long eyelashes.

"This is my brother, Liam," Audrey said, introducing him to the guys, while everyone mumbled their hello's.

"What're you doing here?" Sierra asked.

"Things at home. You know how it is," he said.

"Haha, yeah."

All the boys, plus Audrey and Liam began to play Mario Kart. And Audrey was going to throw a fit when she loses.

"Mother fucker!" She yelled as she was pelted with a Koopa shell. "I hate you. No, I'm serious. I hate you. I hope you get struck by lightening. I hope you end up in Rock Bottom. I hope you go to a concert and end up on the wall of death. Don't talk to me. You are no brother of mine," she said, the anger radiating off of her.

"No. Fuck you, Audrey," he said as she struck him with the cloud, making his avatar little.

"Don't use that sort of language. You're like 12."

"I'm 15, now."

"Ask me if I care."

"Miak sury, vor yerbek' ch'i henvum e lezun mi knoj," Liam said.

"What?" Everyone said.

"It means 'The only sword that never rests is the tongue of a woman'," he said.

"It's an Armenian proverb. And FUCK LIAM FOR BEING A FAGGOT!" She yelled, sliding on a banana peel.

"Calm down," Liam said.

"No."

As the game came to a close, Audrey's eyebrows were still all scrunched up in anger.

"The Kings' game is coming up soon," Liam said.

"I know! I'm so excited! It's our last game of the season."

"And football season's coming up too in a few months."

"I thought you didn't like football," Sierra said.

"I do, I just said that it's no where near as violent as hockey."

"Are we going to watch them together?"

"Don't we always?"


	9. The Past

**Just so there's no confusion, this is supposed to be taking place earlier this year. Like in May. That's when this year's Stanley Cup happened. If you know anything about hockey, that should meaning something to you. I felt like this needed to be said because I kept confusing myself with the dates...**

/klhg/set?id=54731529

Audrey

Chris and I both decided that it would be easier on everyone if we didn't tell anyone about "us". He said that they'd give us weird looks every time we left together, they'd give us a hard time about it when they leave, and it'd just cause drama that neither of us want to deal with. We decided we'd tell everyone we were together (not officially) when we felt ready.

"I really want to get to know you better," Chris said after an intense make-out session.

"Really? Well, what do you want to know?"

"No, I want to take you out somewhere and we just spend a day getting to know each other really well."

-time lapse-

"So, what do you want to know?" I asked as he took me to this coffee shop on Sunset boulevard.

"How many siblings do you have?"

"I have four brothers."

"Older or younger?"

"I'm actually the middle child. Two are older, and two are younger."

"What was life like growing up for you?"

"Are you sure you have that much time?"

"I want to know everything about you!"

"You first," I said.

"I grew up on a farm, actually. I have a sister. It was an average middle-class life, I guess. Your turn."

"Well, my mom was a teen mom when she had me. I think she was only 19. We grew up really poor, living off of money from welfare. I grew up in Compton, one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Los Angeles. There's lots of drugs, and human trafficking, and crime. I hated it there. My mom laid around all day doing nothing, and my dad decided to drop out of college so he couldn't get a good job, and the government only gave us so much. We only had around $600 a month for food, which can barely feed a family of four, let alone a family of seven. And on top of that, my mom would take a lot of the money my dad made and buy drugs. I put a lot of my repressed anger into sports and school, which actually is a good thing since I'm not paying for my education.

"Then when Jake died, everything went downhill. I stopped eating, I got really depressed, then that happened, and everything got worse. I started isolating myself from everything, I dropped out of university, meaning I had to stop hockey, but then you guys came along, and I opened up, and I got my life back on track.

"I'm ranting now, aren't I?"

"No, it's fine! I want to know things about you!" he said.

"What else do you want to know?"

"This is probably really personal, and you don't have to answer it if you don't want to, but why did you wait so long to do it?"

"I didn't just want to give it away to anybody, I wanted it to be special, and I just never found the right person until now," I said as he smiled and held my hand.

"What was hockey like?"

"It's a really big part of my life. The guys on the team all hated me, not because I was a female joining a man's sport, but because they admitted to me that I'm a female that's better than them. In high school, they all took an easy on me because I'm a girl, but when I got to college, they didn't know I was a girl, so they played as rough, and I wasn't expecting it, so I got pretty hurt my first game. We still won though. I actually have a video of it."

"We should watch it when we get home," he said as we left the building.

As we were waiting for a taxi, it began to rain, and my straightened hair began to curl into those little ringlets that my brother used to love. Chris began to lightly pull the curls so they'd bounce back like a spring. Whilst waiting, he turned me towards him and then lifted my chin up to kiss me, while I had to stand on my tippy toes to reach.

We walked through the door of my apartment, and went straight into my bed room to rummage through my closet looking for my hockey game, which was in a CD case. We found my oversized hockey jersey with Ramirez printed on the back, and a bunch of other crap until we finally came across a box full of all my games of which my brother recorded for whatever reason.

I switched the TV from cable to DVD, and pushed play.

It showed me standing in the arena with my uniform on, looking confused as people walked by.

_"____What's that in your mouth?"_ Josh asked. I just turned towards look towards him with a look on my face implying him to repeat the question.

_"____Oh, it's my mouth guard," _I said, taking the blue plastic out of my mouth.

I took a good look at my myself. I wasn't dirty then. I was still an innocent Audrey. I was happy.

_"__Are you excited?"_ He said.

_"__I'm very excited! It's my first game in college. I don't know what to except!" _ I had said before the camera cut to a scene of all of us on the ice.

_"____And Ramirez has the puck!" _said the disembodied commentator.

_"____And she goes down hard!"_ said the other one as one of the biggest guys on the other team checked me and I fell to the ground, but got back up.___"She's the only girl on the team. My son used to play with her in high school. He said she was really determined and tough. She's gonna need that tonight."_

"This is the one where I practically die," I said.

_"__Jacobson shoots a slap shot and...it hits Ramirez!" _said one of the voices as a puck hit me in the jaw.___"She gets ____back up and she's taking off her gloves. Jacobson mimics her. They're going around in circles and Ramirez swings first, hitting Jacobson in the jaw, and the refs break them up."_

After about twenty minutes, there comes another scene where I get checked, but pretty hard and hit the wall, but I got back up, but another slap shot came my way hitting me in the nose. I remembered I could basically hear the breaking of the blood vessels, and possibly the bone. I skated back over to the bench so I wouldn't bleed all over the ice.

_"____Are you okay?"_ my brother said.

_"____Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" _I had to mouth since he was too far to hear me, giving him a weird look.

After the game, the video cut to another scene where we're back where we were before, where I was showing him where my tooth fell out.

"Wow," Sierra said. "I guess hockey is violent."

"You don't say!" I said, the sarcasm practically oozing out of my voice.

After that, we all watched a movie, while me and Chris held hands underneath the blanket. Then, me and him went back into my room and fell asleep, my head snuggling into his ribs.

_"You were supposed to turn here."_

_"I'll turn at the next intersection," the man had said. But he didn't. He just kept driving. Until I saw that beach that haunts my dreams._

_I cried. I begged for him to stop. What would the guys on the team think? The big hockey star just letting a man do this to her?_

_He just used me. Like I was a toy._

I woke up in a cold sweat, to Chris saying my name, and telling me to wake up.

"It's just a nightmare," he said, cradling my face in his delicate hands. "It's okay now."

"God..." I sighed, sitting up so I could breathe properly.

"Did you ever report it?"

"No," I said, instantly knowing what he was talking about.

"How come?"

"I was scared he'd find me and hurt me even more. I just wanted it to be over. I knew that prosecuting him would mean it would take months, and I didn't want to wait months."

He didn't reply, just just held me while I calmed down, and then we fell back asleep.

**You should tell me what you think of this. Ya know. because you're so awesome.**


	10. One Thing is For Sure

**The rest of the chapters from here on out, the only point of views will be Chris and Audrey. Sierra and Giselle aren't vital to the story any more and it can be told without them. Also, this one isn't going to be too long...**

/fdehdfg/set?id=53711318

Chris

"I need to ask you some things, Audrey," I said as we sat at the coffee shop we typically go to be alone from everyone.

"Go ahead."

"Would you do the honor of being my girlfriend?"

"Of course I will!" she said, violently shaking her head and smiling the biggest smile I've ever seen her produce. "I feel like I've died and this is heaven."

"What do you mean?"

"Like I said before, a few months ago, I was watching you on my laptop, crying because I knew I'd never meet you, and now I'm your girlfriend!"

"I know, but I'm glad that I can make you so happy, because you've said before that you weren't, and that hurts me. I know you're hurting, and it just hurts."

"I'm not hurting anymore. You've taken all the pain away," she said as we both just smiled.

"Another thing is that I want to tell everyone about us."

"Maybe we could go watch the hockey game at my family's house. We can all go, and my entire family's there. Ya know, if you're okay with revealing this to them all."

"I want the whole world to know about us!"

"There will probably be a fight, but it's usually funny because it's in half Spanish half English, or half Armenian."

"That's okay, as long as I don't have to keep us a secret anymore."

"Okay then, I'll let them know to make extra food, but there usually isn't food at my house, but whatever."

"Come back with me."

"What?" she asked after a second.

"Come back to London with me."

"Chris..."

"I know it's short notice, but I don't want to be away from you."

"I do have my passport because I went to Mexico on a school trip a few years ago...I don't have money for a ticket to fly there..."

"I'll pay for it!"

"I'm not going to let you do that."

"Please. I don't want to leave you. I'll be in a whole other country, and I can't stand the thought of that."

"I can't leave. I just reapplied to college, and my coach is counting on me to be there when hockey season is back. I just can't do it right now."

"I'll stay then."

"Chris, England is your home, that's where you belong, not here in Los Angeles. And Los Angeles is where I belong. I don't want to take you away from everything you've ever known."

"I don't care about that, I honestly don't. I just want to be with you, not thousands of miles away."

"As much as I want you to stay, you still have your home and everything."

"I'll go back, and tie up all the loose ends, and then I'll come back and be with you."

"If that's really what you want to do, I'll support that because I want you to as well," she said, smiling. "We'll tell everyone that after the hockey game. Just not during. Because hockey's the only thing that matters when it's on."

"Still, come back with me just for a little bit. I'll pay for your ticket. It'll be my gift to you for letting all of us stay with you for these couple of months."

"If it'll ease your conscience, fine!"

When we got back to the house, we did what we do every night and watched a movie while we held hands underneath the blanket, her cat (of whom Dan still couldn't get over the fact that she named him Satan) curled up in her lap, while she pet him with her spare hand, and then went back to sleep in her room.

"What's up with you and Audrey?" Dan asked one morning whilst in the kitchen.

"Nothing. We've just gotten really close these last few weeks," I said, feeling bad for lying to one of my best friends.

"You spend a lot of time with her."

"I know. She's been through a lot in these last few months and she chose me to confide in."

"You sleep in her room every night..."

"She's had a hard time. She just needs someone to help her cope."

"What the hell happened then?!"

"It's not my issue to tell, if you want to know, ask her."


	11. My Life for Hire

/dfg/set?id=54731026

Audrey

Sierra drove me, Chris, and PJ to the house while Giselle took Dan and Phil.

As we drove more and more south of Los Angeles, I could tell we were getting to Compton because the houses began to have bars on them, even on the second story windows. I noticed the transition of the state of houses go from good, to bad, to worse.

Then, finally, we pulled into the all-too-familiar apartment complex I grew up in. The dirt stained siding was beginning to fall off of the house, and the giant field behind the complex. I could tell which apartment was mine, and I'm pretty sure everyone one could since my cousins and Aunts and Uncles were in the front lawn, and they had the same curly black hair like mine is naturally and tanned skin as I do.

"I bet you twenty bucks that the Kings will _lose_ the Stanley Cup!" Caleb, my eldest brother, said as I arrived with everyone.

"Oh, you're on!" I retorted running out back to say hello to the rest of the family.

"Audrey! Heads up!" Josh yelled as a baseball came flying my way. I ducked, narrowly missing it striking my face, but then I picked it up and tossed it back. "You could be a great pitcher with that arm!"

"Too bad I'm a better batter!" I shouted back.

"Naw, you're a better defense man!"

"Or should he say defense woman," my dad said putting his arm around my shoulder and kissing my head. "Hey, Audge." I hate that nickname._ Audge._ It sounds so stupid.

"Hey, Dad. What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. Your mom's being her usual crazy self. I hope she doesn't embarrass you in front of your friends."

"I think they're used to _my_ crazy self by now," I said as we started laughing.

I then started to introduce the boys to everyone in my family, and then we went to play baseball with my brothers. Well, _I_ played baseball with my brothers while they watched.

"I'm totally touching the base!" I yelled while Adam, the youngest of us, tried to get me out.

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh! See! My foot's touching the base!"

"Idiot!"

"Idiot!" I shouted even louder.

"IDIOT!"

"IDIOT!"

"Calm the fuck down," Caleb said pushing us apart. "Ya'll aren't 10 anymore."

"Guys! The game's about to start in a few minutes!" my cousin yelled out the back door. Everyone then got up while we all ran into the living room, except for me, because I felt bad leaving the boys behind, but my brother saved us all a spot on our old couch.

"Don't look over here," I said as Adam looked at me. He then opened his eyes really wide and stared at me as I did the same. "I hope you choke on those tamles."

"Woah, that was mean!" Caleb said. "I think different of you now. You're still my little sis and all, but that was mean."

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, YES!" we all shouted, except for Caleb, the boys, Sierra, and Giselle, every time the Kings were about the score.

"Fuck you. You fucking suck!" Caleb would shout.

"YES! YES! YES!" I shouted as the Kings held up the Stanley cup. "I'm going to cry! My babies won the Stanley Cup!"

"They're not your babies! They're all older than you!"

"I don't care! Either way, someone owes me twenty bucks!"

"Sore winner!" Caleb said.

"I have something to tell you guys," I said standing up with Chris while everyone stared. "We are now a couple."

"Your point?" My brother said, giving a blank look.

"And she's coming back to England with me, and then we're coming back to live here," he said, grabbing my hand.

"And we're very happy together."

We barely got any reaction out of PJ, Dan, Phil, Giselle, and Sierra. They all looked kind of irritated to be honest. But my entire family congratulated me.

"Are you fucking _crazy_?!" Sierra said, sitting me down in her room, her lips pursed and the anger shooting from her eyes like daggers.

"What?"

"You've known him for two months and now you guys are all in love and moving in together?!"

"I never said we was in love."

"Audrey! You're missing the point! This is going to end badly, and I don't want to be the one who you burden with this."

"I was there for you! Why aren't you being there for me?!"

"Because you're rushing into this so quickly! You're going to get hurt, and you're going to come to me and burden me with this."

"And burden you with this? What about all the times YOU burdened ME with your boy problems?"

"What boy problems?" she shouted back at me.

"I don't know! Maybe all the times you told me that you hate Tyler and you'll never trust him again, and then an hour later telling me that you can't see yourself with anyone but him? Or what about when you told me you were pregnant, conceiving it at the park, but refused to get a test, and then lied to me about it! Or what about that time you told me you loved Kyle or whatever his name was, but literally three days later, you told me you see him just as friends?"

"You know I'd be there for you!"

"No, you fucking wouldn't! You would either blame me or turn it into a problem about yourself!"

"You've been nothing but bitchy to me for the past few months! And I've been nothing but nice to you!"

"You don't know what it's like, Sierra! You have no idea what it's like to have your entire dignity stripped from you in less than an hour! You don't know what it's like to feel so dirty inside, because you can't scrub your insides clean!" I shouted at her, the tears beginning to stream from my face. "_I_ was raped, not you! _I'm_ the one that has to deal with it everyday, not you!"

"It's your fault for getting in the car!"

"Wow. I thought you had more respect for me than that," I said, walking out of her room and going into mine, and then slamming the door a bunch of times to emphasize my anger.

I just laid there underneath my blanket and cried. I just cried.

I felt somebody come in and sit on the bed next to me and rub my back.

"It's okay..." Chris said. "Like I said before, anyone who matters won't hurt you."

**Hey guize! Two in one day! :O I actually wrote the previous one yesterday, but the internet is out at my mom's house, so I couldn't post it until this morning.**


	12. One Step Closer

**Okay, so my brother broke my laptop somehow. A bunch of the keys are broken, so please don't be upset because I spelled a bunch of stuff wrong and I didn't notice... It's being held together by tape. Fucking tape. And I told my mom that he broke it and she just shrugged. And I said she should be the one to get me a new keyboard and she said "we'll see". That means no. Guess I know what I'm spending my birthday money on. **

**I'm ranting. I'll let you get back to the story.**

Chris

When we got home the guys just gave me a look indicating to explain myself.

"Well?" PJ said.

"What?"

"You've known her for like what? Two months? And you guys are dating and moving in together."

"We both decided it was what we both want. And I know that if everything falls through, you guys would be there for me. But I honestly don't think it will."

"Well of course we'll be there for you, Chris," Dan said as we all did a "bro hug".

"Are you fucking crazy?!" we all heard Sierra yell at Audrey. Giselle was sitting here with us too.

"You don't know what it's like, Sierra!" Audrey shouted after a while of yelling. "You have no idea what it's like to have your entire dignity stripped from you in less than an hour! You don't know what it's like to feel so dirty inside, because you can't scrub your insides clean! _I_ was raped, not you!_ I'm_ the one that has to deal with it everyday, not you!"

They all just stared in disbelief.

"It's your fault for getting in the car!" Sierra shouted back.

Audrey just went into her room, slamming the door a few times.

"She was...she was raped?" Phil asked.

"Did she report it or anything?" Dan asked.

"She said she was too scared to..."

Sierra then came out of her room, and started heading towards the kitchen.

"Really, Sierra?" Giselle said, standing up. "Blaming it on her?"

"It is her fault she got in the car. And her fault for walking alone."

"Sierra, I think it's best if you leave for a bit," Giselle said.

"Fine by me," she said as she walked into their room, came back out a few minutes with a bag and then walked out the door.

I got up and then walked into her room, and sat on her bed and rubbed her back.

"It's okay...like I said before, anyone who matters won't hurt you."

"She's right though," Audrey said, her eyes overflowing with tears.

"No, she's not. Don't ever think that it's your fault. You said no, and he should've just left you alone. He's one of the most lowest forms of life. You don't deserve what happened. You never did, and you never will," I said. As embarrassing as it is to admit, my eyes began to tear up as well.

"Are you crying," she asked wiping away a tear that escaped my eyes.

"No, I just have something in my eyes."

"They all know now, don't they?" she asked.

"They do," I said, smoothing out a piece of her hair. "But you know what? They don't think any less of you."

"They don't?"

"No, why would they?"

"Because it's my fau-"

"No, it's not. And nothing you say will ever change my view on this."

_Three months later_

Sierra never came back to the house. She never apologized. I haven't seen her since she left. Audrey just kind of forgot about her, and we don't really bring her up anymore. Although, Giselle did say that Sierra did come by while Audrey and I were in London, but it was just collect her stuff.

When everyone found how what happened, I noticed that Audrey felt more relaxed.

Also, while we were in London, we took a trip up to North Yorkshire so she could meet my family. They all loved her, called her pretty, and said we were cute together.

"I hate my life," Audrey said, coming through the front door one day, looking extremely exhausted.

"Why?"

"Going into epidemiology was one of the worst decisions of my life. I hate it."

"I have some good news though. I was looking online, and I found a really nice apartment for us. I think it's perfect."

"Oh, let me see it!" she squealed, sitting down next to me on the couch. I flipped through the pictures on the website. "That's a really nice neighborhood, though."

"And it's priced really well, too."

"I think we should go and see it."

I called in and asked to go and see the house, then, within a month, we were moved into an adorable two bedroom apartment that was perfect for us.

After we got moved in, hockey season began, so I was going to her games whenever her team was played.

And since she joined hockey again, I've noticed that she's gained a lot of muscle. I think she had more muscle than I do... She's also been a lot happier, and she's been eating every meal. Except she's been a lot more picky, saying stuff like "I can't put that junk in my body! Do you think I just woke up and got a hockey body?! No!" or "Hockey players don't eat that during the season!"


	13. Like the Angel

**SO GUYS MY BIRTHDAY IS ON AUGUST 13TH AND I'M SO EXCITED! I NEEDED TO EXPRESS MY EXCITEMENT ON HERE...**

_/erhgadf/set?id=55409031_

Audrey

I balanced my weight on the ice between the blades and then skated out to my position. With my chest rising up and down with each breathe, I looked at the steam of which it produced. I took my typical stance, and looked over. I could see Chris and Giselle sitting in the bleachers next to my team's bench.

The ref called out his usual things, and then the opposite team, which happened to be our rival team, took off with the puck. I skated out, trying to get the puck, but I wasn't anywhere near him, when a play from the other team checked me.

"What the fuck?" I said, but I let it go, and kept going.

The same player checked me time and time again, until I got fed up and took my gloves and helmet off, as he did the same. I got a ref to come over (it's a penalty if you don't call a ref over), and I looked at the guy who's been being a dick to me the entire first half.

It was_ him._ It was fucking him.

Just standing there, with a sly grin on his face. I froze in my place and then began to circle around him, as I typically do when I start fights, and then I just began punching him, eventually taking him to the ground, and still continuing to punch him. The refs had to pull me off, telling me I had a penalty, but I still wouldn't stop. I kept going back and hitting him, I let a few tears escape, but I quickly wiped them away. Goldberg. I know his name now, though. I never did before.

My coach called for a ten minute time-out, pulling me and my teammates into our locker room. I'm usually not allowed into the boy's locker room, except for going over the game plan, and, like right now, team talks.

I could see out of the corner of my eye that Chris and Giselle were confused as hell.

"What the fuck happened out there, Ramirez?" said Alex, the player I was closest with on the team. He's like another brother to me, though we did kind of fall out after I quit school. He stuck his tongue in the spot where his missing canine tooth was. I never understood why they called me Ramirez. Kazanjian is the first part of my last name... I bet it's just because it's easier to say.

"I lost it..." was all I could choke out.

"No fucking shit!" Mike, one of the other players I was close with, said.

"I never told you guys why I quit school..."

"We all just assumed it was because of Jake... ya know?"

"That's the man who raped me," I said, still trying to choke back my tears.

"Please tell me you're joking, Audrey," Alex said

"I wish I was, but I'm not. He basically tore my life into pieces and I couldn't handle it anymore, so I just had to drop out."

"Leave it up to us to make sure he pays for what he did. You don't deserve what he did to you, but he deserves what's going to happen to him," Alex said.

The whole team is my family, even if I'm not close to all of them, we're a family. We stick though thick and thin. No one messes with our family and gets away with it. We're a family, and no one will change that.

After I calmed down, we went back out to the ice with a few minutes of the time out left.

"What happened?" Chris mouthed. I just mouthed back "nothing".

We all got back out on the ice, and then started playing. Alex and Mike all stood around me for the rest of the game, just to make sure he didn't try to come after me.

"That's why girls shouldn't play hockey!" a member from the opposite team said skating past me. Mike heard and skated after him, checking him, and then getting the puck and scoring for our team.

They all checked Goldberg whenever they could, while I kept my distance.

"If you get this last goal, Ramirez, we win!" Alex told me.

In slow motion, I was in position, I lifted my stick and I swung. The goalie narrowly missed the puck, and we won. Everyone came up to me and lifted me up on their shoulders.

"We won! We won!" everyone chanted in unison.

They put me down out side of the girls' locker room and I went in to change out of my hockey uniform.

"We won!" I yelled running up to Chris and giving him a hug and a kiss.

"I gotta go, but congratulations!" Giselle said.

"What happened earlier?" he asked as we held hands and began to walk out of the arena.

"That was the guy that did_ that_..." I said, trying not to say the word again.

"What?" he said, looking around for what I'm assuming was him.

"You heard me."

"Are you serious? That was really him? Are you okay? Did he hurt you? What did he say?"

"Calm the fuck down. I'm fine. I'd just rather forget it."

"C'mon, Ramirez! We're all going out for drinks!" Alex said coming up to me, making a hand motion to get me to follow him.

We went to the bar we typically do when we win. The one on Santa Monica boulevard.

"To Ramirez for scoring the winning goal!" Brandon, the goalie for our team, said, making a toast. We all clunked our glasses together. Mine was the only one full of soda.

"Whoever said girls can't play hockey don't know what he's talking about!" Alex said. "Ramirez is probably the best on the team!"

"Oh, stop it you!"

"How did you guys meet?" Mike asked.

"Well, I came to LA for Vidcon, since I make YouTube videos for a living, and our reservations didn't go through, but Audrey's roommate was friends with one of the other people I came with, and she offered us a place to stay for our visit, and the rest is history," he said.

"Giselle could've been a serial killer for you know. Do you know how dangerous that is?" I said.

"I'm glad I took that risk," he said smiling as everyone said "awe".

-time lapse-

When we got home, I was exhausted as ever, so I just went back into the bedroom with Chris.

As I lay on the bed in my undies, Chris ran his fingers along all of my scars. I haven't cut myself or hurt myself in any way since I told Chris about my problems. I also haven't thrown up since then either. It did take me a while to start eating meals right again, but I slowly, but surely did. And now that I'm in hockey, I have to keep my body healthy.

Chris leaned over to give me a goodnight kiss, but, both of us turned it into more than that. This time, he pulled me on top of him, after we both undressed each other.

We both moaned with every pulse in and out of me, until he finally finished and I snuggled next to him. I was almost asleep when I had a sudden thought.

Did I remember to take my birth control today?


	14. Everything's an Illusion

_/rth/set?id=55421056_

Chris

I walked into the spotless kitchen, and on the table, I saw an opened pregnancy test box. I picked it up and looked inside, and saw that it was just the box.

"Audrey?" I called out. No answer. "Audrey!" I said even louder, wandering out of the kitchen. I walked into our bedroom, and saw her curled up in a ball on our bed, crying. Her hair in those soft curls that are absolutely adorable. I had a feeling I already knew the outcome. I sat next to her and rubbed her back. She then handed me the pregnancy test. I saw the thing I've been so anxious to see. Two clearly visible parallel lines. Pregnant.

"I can't..." she began, getting up and sitting in my lap. "I just can't..."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't keep it, Chris," she said, burying her head in my chest.

"What?"

"I'll have to quit hockey, again. And I don't want to quit, because then I lose my sports scholarship. Plus, I love hockey. And I'll never be able to pay for university without a scholarship. And I don't want a baby right now," she said, crying harder. "I can't do it."

"We'll get through this, okay?" I said, breaking into my Scottish accent, causing her to laugh. "We can get through this. I really don't want you to get an abortion. I know that, ultimately, it is your choice, since it's your body. But, do remember, that it is my baby, too. I'll be here. For both of you!"

"I don't think I can do it, Chris. I think the best for both of us would be to to terminate the pregnancy. It's too early for a baby."

"Please...don't do this..."

"Like you said, it's my body."

"It'll be my baby, too..."

"I know, but think about us. Do you think a baby is really what we need right now? We're both in our early twenties, and we have enough money for us, but not for a family. I don't want to have this baby grow up the way that I did, Chris."

"And it won't, as long as we both take care of it and love it."

"You don't understand. You didn't grow up like I did."

"Audrey, we'll make this work because I love you," I said for the first time. She gave me this surprised look, like she was unsure of how to respond.

"I love you, too," she said, giving a smile and resting her head on my shoulder. "But, I'm still going with my initial decision. Please, don't try to change my mind, because it'll make me feel even worse."

I didn't say anything, I just embraced her and held her tight.

-time lapse-

"Are you ready?" I asked in a melancholy tone.

She didn't say anything. She just put a hoodie on (even though it was a billion degrees outside), put the hood up, and got up in a depressed way.

On the whole car ride there, neither of us spoke. We haven't been doing much of that lately. She pulled her knees up to her chest, and looked out the window.

When we got there, she stood close to my side, while I draped an arm around her shoulders. All of the people outside just spewed nasty things at her, causing her to silently cry.

_Murderer._

They held up signs of mangled infants, even though Audrey told me how at the stage she's at, it's not going to be done as so.

_You're killing your unborn baby!_

They all gave us dirty looks as we walked in there. Now I know why she put up her hood.

_Women do regret abortion!_

"Don't retaliate," she whispered, as if she was sensing I was really wanting to say something to them.

Finally, we were in the sanctuary behind the bulletproof glass of the clinic. Audrey walked up to the check in desk and then came back and, once again, assumed fetal (terrible choice of words) position, her head resting on my shoulder.

The clinic looked a lot nicer than I excepted. Not that I pictured it to have pentagrams, Peter's Cross, and "HAIL SATAN" on the walls, and the people working there to have horns sticking out their heads, but it looked like a regular hospital.

"I think I'm too old to be having a baby. I'm almost 35. I don't want my baby to have an old mom," one lady in the waiting room said. "What about you?"

"I'm just not ready to be having a baby yet," Audrey said, momentarily glancing at her.

"How old are you?"

"I'll be 23 in August."

"That is too young..."

"I don't want you to come back with me," she said as they called her name.

"Why not?"

"I don't want you to see," she said walking through the double doors with a nurse that led her through the double doors.

**I know. I suck when it comes to writing for Chris. And I'm too opinionated. **


	15. On Top of the World

**I just realized that I lied in the description when I said that it's for a "later adult theme". Shit. This whole thing is for mature adults. Da fuck was I talking about? BuT gUyZ mY bIrThDaY iS In OnE dAy! I WILL BE 16 ON THE 13TH OF AUGUST. AND I'M TOO EXCITED.**

Audrey

"Do you want me to hold your hand?" the nurse asked as she laid me on the table, trying to prep my veins for the IV.

"No..." I stuttered out.

"Are you sure?"

"No. I'm not doing this," I said, getting up and walking back into the bathroom to change back into my street clothes.

What the hell was I thinking?!

"That was fast," Chris said in a skeptical tone as I walked up to him.

"I didn't go through with it."

At that moment, a huge smile spread across his face. His eyes lit up like a thousand fireworks in the sky. His next kiss was so passionate and loving that I knew I was making the right decision.

Both of our families heavily congratulated us. His parents, sister, Dan, PJ, and Phil (who were all way too wary of this, and thought we were pranking them at first, then yelled at us for a little bit about how irresponsible we were, and then, finally, they were happy) were even coming over for the baby shower in a few months. And, although, they were sad to see me go again, the hockey team said whichever gender the baby will be, it'll be born with a pair of skates on it's feet, and they're extremely happy for me.

_Eight months later_

_/sdfasdgs/set?id=55943014_

"Chris!" I shouted from the living room, a Swiss roll resting on my huge stomach. He gave me a look, since I'm always yelling for him, being that I'm always too lazy to get up. "We need to start thinking of names since we've known it's going to be a girl for a while now!"

"Well, what names are you thinking of?"

"I definitely want Gabriela to me the middle name. Jake told me he'd have his first born daughter's middle name be Audrey, her first name Gabriela, and I said I'd have my first son's middle name be Jacob, and his first name Gabriel."

"So Gabriela will be the middle name. First names?"

"I love the name Cadence."

"Cadence Gabriela," he said, seeing how it rolled off of his tongue.

"Cadence Kendall..." I said, making a face since it didn't sound right. "Gabriela Cadence."

"That sounds good too. Gabriela Kendall."

"I don't want the first name to be Gabriela since I really want a Gabriel and we'll seem unimaginative if we do that. I like the name Vanessa."

"Vanessa Gabriela..."

"Vanessa Kendall."

"That's cute. How about Estelle?"

"Estella!" I practically shouted.

"Estella Gabriela Kendall. I think it's perfect," he said, smiling at me.

"We can tell her Stella for short."

-time lapse-

"Chris!" I whined loudly from the bedroom a week after we picked out a name. During the final stages of this pregnancy, I kicked him out of our bed because I needed the space, since I had to take up most of the bed to be comfortable. I yelled his name a few more times until he groggily opened the door. "Either I just peed myself or my water broke." At that, he was wide awake and helped me get up and waddle to the car.

Estella Gabriela Kendall was born 19 inches and 6 pounds 6 ounces, even though she was born a few weeks early, she was perfectly healthy.

After her newborn blue eyes changed, we noticed that she inherited Chris's hazel eyes, but my thick black hair. It was too early to tell if she was going to have a 'fro like I do when I don't straighten it. She also seemed to have the same natural tan that I had when I was a baby. She wasn't constantly wanting to be held, like my dad said I did. He said that every time he put me down, I'd throw a fit. Which is weird, considering how independent I am now. However, she did like to snuggle when she was being held. She rarely cries, only when she was hungry, and we're pretty punctual about her feeding schedule, so again, she rarely cries.

She was perfect.

_/aegsdf/set?id=56036336_

"I want to make a video about us," Chris said a few weeks after we came home from the hospital.

"Why?" I asked while bottle feeding Stella. I always found breast feeding weird, even though that's what boobs are there for, it's still weird.

"I feel secretive, I want them to know," he stated simply. He got his camera out, and positioned it so that way it was just him,, and he'd turn the camera when it was my turn.

"As many of you know, I moved to America. Los Angeles to be more specific. But I didn't tell any of you why. I moved because I met Audrey," he said, turning the camera to me. I just kind of smiled with my mouth slightly open and stumbled out a generic greeting. "We've been together for about a year. Give a random fact about yourself, Audrey!"

"Um..uh..." I stuttered, "I used to sell kids at my Catholic school cat nip and told them it was weed."

We both just busted up laughing, but trying to be quiet so we don't wake Stella.

"Really?" he asked after his fit of laughter.

"They didn't know the difference. And they was too scared of me to say anything to me after they found out."

"Oh, and there's one more thing," he said after a few minutes of us rambling about stuff, he angled the camera down so the camera could see Stella as well. She was perfectly asleep in my arms. "We named her Estella Gabriela, but we call her Stella for short. She's about a month and a half old."

"I'm probably going to get a bunch of fangirls whining about how I took their 'husband'," I said.

"You said that you were a fangirl before!"

"I used to ship kickthestickz. Maybe I'll tell everyone I'm just a cover up, and it's real," I said, mockingly.

"I bet you had a blog on tumblr dedicated to us."

"Pft...no. Definitely not," I said in a sarcastic tone.

"You did!?" he said. "What's the URL?"

"I'll never disclose that information. It's classified."

"Please," he said, giving me puppy dog eyes.

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

After that, he edited the video, and we went to bed.

Life was perfect.


	16. America's Suitehearts

_/4traa/set?id=56318148_

Chris

In a year, I've seen Audrey transition from a suicidal, self-loathing rape victim, to an intimate partner, to my secret lover (though the secret didn't last long), to a girlfriend, and now, the mother of my daughter.

When I first met her, her skin was pale and dry, now it's tanned and healthy. Her hair was thin and flat, now it's thick and beautiful. Her eyes were dull, now she regained that twinkle in her eye. She was skinny and emaciated, now she has a layer of muscle over her bones (though she did lose some of it during the pregnancy, but she's slowly gaining it back.). And now, she's recovered from everything.

Next, I wanted to make her my wife.

I had everything planned out. I got a ring, I asked her oldest brother and father for their approval, I was going to take her to the roof of the old apartment that we always talked on and she spilled her heart to me there, so it has significance. The next I needed to do was get her to the roof when she was in the best mood, which she hasn't been lately.

When I came home, I went straight to the kitchen as Audrey held Stella on her hip like a koala hangs onto a tree, mixing a bottle of formula. She switched Stella from her right hip to the left, and as she did so, her tank top came up a bit and I saw the bright crimson straight lines across her stomach.

I could feel my own heart sink. I could feel it shatter into a million pieces. It almost physically pained me to see that. I could feel my eyes sting with tears, but I didn't let any escape.

"Hey," she said, noticing my presence, and giving me a smile.

"Show me your stomach," I demanded, hoping it was just a trick of the light.

"What?" she inquired.

I didn't say anything, I just went up to her and pulled up her shirt as well as I could, with Stella still clinging to her. The deed was done, and her secret was out. All of the new cuts presented before me. I felt more tears sting my eyes, but I didn't hold back this time. I could feel the liquid flow from my eyes, roll down my cheeks, and drip from my chin to the floor.

She hurried and pulled her shirt back down, her own tears making the fabric of the shirt darker.

"Why?" I managed to say, but it came out as more of a whisper.

"We'll talk about this later," she said walking out of the kitchen with the bottle.

"Talk to me, Audrey," I begged, closely following behind her as she sat cross-legged on the couch, feeding Stella. "Please..."

"I said we'll talk about this later."

"I want to talk about it now," I said, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Stop," she said coldly. I decided not to press her right now, and that I'll bring it up when Stella falls asleep.

We might have been sitting side by side, but I felt like she wasn't even there. Her eyes were locked on the TV, and were once again dull. I guess I was wrong. She hasn't recovered.

As Stella's eyes slowly closed and she drifted to sleep, Audrey slowly got up and took her to her room, and then Audrey went back into our bedroom, closing the door with a bit more force then necessary, so I went back to our room and sat on the bed next to her.

"Talk to me," I said.

"I don't want to."

"You have to, Audrey."

"No, I don't."

"You can't keep relapsing. It's not healthy for any of us, especially you. I'm worried about you. You need help, Audrey."

She didn't say anything, she just got up and slammed the door so loudly that a picture fell down, and Stella woke up. I could hear the front door close as I got up to get Stella to go back to sleep. I knew I had to go after her, but I knew I couldn't take Stella with her crying like this.

"Hello?" Giselle answered groggily when she picked up the phone, being that it was quite late at night.

"Can you please watch Stella for a little bit?" I quickly said, explaining the situation to her, and within ten minutes, Giselle was lightly knocking on the door. She took Stella in her arms and rocked her back to sleep as I rushed out the door and into the car.

I drove around the neighborhood a few times, before I had an idea. I turned around and took the route we usually take to Compton, which was a not-so-busy road. It was raining hard, and I knew she didn't bring a jacket, so she was probably freezing. I knew I had to find her fast before something bad happened.

Finally, walking along the road, I could instantly point out her small stature and red hair. I slowed down and eventually pulled to a stop. Getting out of the car, I ran faster until I could finally catch up to her.

"Audrey, stop and talk to me," I demanded, grabbing her arm and turning her around.

"Leave me alone," she whined, shaking me off.

"No, I'm not going to do that. I love you, Audrey, with all of my heart, and it kills me that you feel the need to resort to hurting yourself again. It hurts me knowing that you're hurting. Tell me what I can do to make you feel better. I would do anything."

"I don't want to live any more," she cried, burying her chest into my shoulder. "But I know I have to. For you and for Stella."

"Sweetie, I know. I know you're feeling bad right now, but please, don't die on me. I'll do anything to make you feel better. I think we should get you a therapist."

She didn't put up a protest, she just hugged me tighter. I pushed her away slightly, and began to pull the box out of my pocket.

"I was going to wait a bit longer, but I feel like this would be an appropriate time to do so," I said, getting down on one knee, "Audrey Sevana Kazanjian-Remirez, would you do me the great honor of taking my hand in marriage?"

I could tell tears were welling in her eyes, though I couldn't really tell since the rain make it hard to differentiate tears from rain drops. "Yes. A million times yes," she said shaking, her shook her head vigorously.

"C'mon, let's go home," I said, as we walked hand in hand back to the car.

**This isn't the last one. There's a few more left to write. But it's going to end soon. you're**


	17. Remembering Sunday

**/sdf/set?id=59178479**

**Audrey**

"Good evening, I'm Dr. Amy Katz," she said, shaking my hand when she called my name as Chris, Stella, and I waited in the lobby.

She was tall, thin, and blonde. Her office looked like a set right off of Miami Vice. She had one of those couches with the swirly thing as a pillow (I didn't even know those actually exist, I thought that was something for TV), and a love seat, with a chair that didn't match, and mismatched pillows.

"Have you ever seen a therapist before, Audrey?"

"I saw one twice a day for those two weeks I was in the hospital a year ago."

"Why were you in the hospital?"

"A suicide attempt."

"Have you had any since then?"

"No."

"What brings you here today?"

"Depression and cutting."

"If you don't mind, I'm going to take some notes about what you say."

"I don't mind."

"Everybody has different perspectives as to what the problem is, and the solution. What do you think the problem is?"

"I don't know."

"That really isn't helping, Audrey. I can't help you if you don't give me any information about your depression."

"What do you even want to know?"

"What was your childhood and early life like? Sometimes, childhood trauma can lead to depression in adulthood."

"Well, I grew up watching my mom stick needles full of heroin in her arms. How she got the money, but couldn't get us food is beyond me. I grew up in Compton. My dad would always leave, and then come back, it was a constant cycle. I was homeless a lot. I got beat all the time. That's something I haven't even told Chris..." I admitted.

"Who's Chris?"

"My boy- fiance. We have a daughter together."

"And how do they make you feel?"

"I don't even know how to describe it. Chris makes me feel so happy, as well as Stella, and I just love them both so much. That's why I'm here. I want to get better for the both of them."

"How did you guys meet?"

"Well, he's originally from England, and him and some of his friends came to LA for Vidcon, and my old roommate was working at the hotel they were staying in, but the reservations were never made, and so she offered them a place to stay, since she knew one of his friends from when she lived across the pond, and the rest is history."

"Tell me about_ after_ you left your house."

"I left the house when I was 15. I either stayed with friends or on the streets. I'm very surprised I didn't get sucked into one of those human trafficking rings, especially since that's the age they like. That's something I haven't told Chris either... Then Giselle, my old roommate, and I moved in together once she moved out, and then she met Sierra, who I got into a fight with a bit before I moved in with Chris, moved in together. I went off to university, a bunch of stuff has happened since then, and then I met Chris."

"Why did you and Sierra get into a fight?"

"We all went over to my parent's house to watch the Stanley Cup since the LA Kings were playing this year, and Chris and I decided we were going to move in together, and she got really mad because we only knew each other for a few weeks before that and she thought I was rushing into it and that I was going to get hurt."

"What do you mean by 'a bunch of stuff has happened since then'?"

"Well, I wanted an abortion when I found out I was pregnant with Stella, but I changed my mind at the last minute, and I'm very glad I did. My best friend, Jake, lost control of his car and it hit a wall. They said he died on impact. After that, I just kind of stopped eating, and when I did eat, I threw it up. I was cutting a lot, then, but I stopped cutting and stuff a while ago, but recently started cutting again. And then a few months after that I was..." I couldn't even say the word. I don't even like admitting it to myself, let alone some lady I just met. I guess that if she knows it could help me.

"You were what, Audrey?"

"Raped," I choked out.

"That's probably a big reason why you've been so depressed. How did it make you feel?"

How do you think it makes me feel? I thought to myself.

"Dirty, angry, guilty, alone, hopeless, scared."

"Why do you feel dirty?"

"Because I'm apparently just seem as an object to some people, like they're able to do whatever they want to me just because I'm a woman."

"Why do you feel angry?"

"I'm angry because people have this stigma for rape that it's a sex crime, when, in reality it's an act of violence. Also, because I thought it would never happen to me, so I never took extra measures to protect myself."

"Guilty?"

"Because I still feel as if it's my fault, in some way, shape, or form. I got into the car because I was lost. I should've just retraced my steps or kept going."

"Why do you feel alone?"

"No one understands. All the people I've talked about it with have never experienced it. After it happened, I lost a lot of friends because of how much I've 'changed'. No fucking shit I changed, I just lost my entire sense of security and life."

"Why do you feel hopeless?"

"He took all the intangible things from me that make life worthwhile. Most people have to take it day by day, I still have to work just to get to the next hour."

"And why do you feel scared?"

"I was sure he was going to kill me. I remember I kept praying to God, which is funny because I'm an atheist, for him to kill me, and if he was, to do it fast. The fear didn't leave when I did. I was terrified when Chris and his friends came. The number of men outnumbered the women, and that scared me. I quicken my pace when I'm alone and there's another man on the street. I was wary of Chris when we first spent time alone, because I didn't know what would happen. I trust him to not hurt me now, but I didn't at first."

"What happened is no fault of your own, Audrey. You're very brave for being able to get help like this, even if it is overdue. It's great that you're able to trust again and didn't completely shut everybody out, because I've seen victims do that too many times, and that you're able to move on and start a family. Your experiences pertain a lot to your depression, but you said you stopped cutting for a while there, so what made you relapse?"

"I honestly don't know."

"That's what we'll try to pick out at your next sessions, okay? But, one last question. What do you want to gain from therapy?" she asked.

"I don't want to be a victim anymore, I want to be a survivor."

"That is an excellent goal, Audrey. If you ever need anything, or you need to cancel the next appointment, just call this number," she said, handing me her card.

After she walked me back down the stairs into the main lobby, I was greeted by Chris and Stella.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"Really great, I think this is really going to help."

By the time we got home, Stella was fast asleep in her car seat. Chris carried her upstairs to the apartment while I grabbed everything else from the car. We then had alone time, if you know what I mean, and went to bed.

When I woke up, I squinted my eyes at the sunlight pouring in through the window in our room. I turned over and saw that Chris wasn't next to me, so I got up, checked on Stella, who was still asleep, and then went to look for him (and food) in the kitchen.

I opened the cupboard for a bowl so I can make some cereal. Of course, me, being the clumsy idiot I am, somehow knocked over two bowls, causing them to plunge to the ground, shattering into pieces.

Chris then came through the door, hearing the glass, and threw his arms up, as if to say oh great. My intimidate instinct was to throw my arms up in front of my face.

"Did you think I was gonna hit you or something?" Chris asked.

"I don't know."

"Why would you think that? I've never hit you before."

"I don't know..."

"Talk to me. There's got to be a reason," he said, grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the kitchen.

"What about all the broken glass?"

"We can get to that later. What's wrong?"

"My mom used to hit me. Nearly never day," I admitted.

"I knew about the neglect, but I didn't know she actually hurt you physically," he said, putting me into a hug.

I then began to tell him about how I ran away when I was 15, all while we embraced each other in a hug.


	18. Caught in a Hustle

**I'm sorry it's taken me so long to post this. I give you permission to punch me in the mouth. **

asdf/set?id=62254733

Chris

"I know I said we'd talk about your relapse, but I only want to talk to Chris today. Is that okay?" Dr. Katz said as she came out on time for Audrey's appointment one week later.

"Sure," we both said as she led me through the building, which smelled a bit odd.

"Today, we're going to talk a little bit about you, okay? And then I'm going to help you understand Audrey more."

"Okay," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"Did you have a dysfunctional family, as Audrey did?"

"No, I had a pretty decent life growing up. I feel bad when I think about how much I said I hated my parents when they wouldn't let me doing something, and then I think about how how she grew up, _actually_ hating her parents."

"I'm going to assume you want to know more about why Audrey why she is the way that she is, right?"

"Well, naturally," I said, sarcastically.

"There's a few traits that are common with people that grew up in dysfunctional families. The first is that they're unable to finish projects."

"Why is that?"

"Well, people who grow up in supportive families, they'll get praise and love when they show their parents things that they've done. They'll get words of encouragement like 'good job' or 'keep up the good work', but people that grow up in unloving homes get things like 'shut up, can't you see I'm trying to watch TV?'. They feel like they've already failed before they even reached the halfway point."

"That actually makes a lot of sense. Sometimes, she'll begin homework, and then stop half way through. I usually have to bribe her with something to motivate her to finish it."

"Another trait is that they become incredibly irresponsible, or tremendously responsible."

I just kind of gave her a weird look.

"When these kids become tremendously responsible, it's because they kind of have to take on the parental roles in the family. They learn to feed themselves, clean up themselves, and do their homework without help. Then there's the irresponsible ones who just give up trying to please everyone out of emotional exhaustion. They never had parents who cared, so they neglect normal chores, relationships, and sometimes, bills. Making the irresponsible ones take responsibility is like parachuting into a foreign country without knowing the language or culture, and then being attacked by bears."

"I'd say she's a bit of both, but I also think she's really lazy, as well."

"People that grow up in dysfunctional homes also tend to judge themselves without mercy. Often people who grew up in 'normal' homes think these kids paint themselves as victims and are always asking people to feel sorry for them, but, in reality, they're not. They judge themselves a lot harder than other people tend to. This is because when they do something bad, the consequences are dire. They just don't bring home bad grades, or spill a cup of soda, because, if they did, it'd be met by an explosion of anger from their parents that made it clear that those things were off-limits. They're taught that failure is the worse thing anybody can do, and it's unforgivable. They'll beat themselves up for something small."

"I know Audrey does that all the time. Everyday, she beats herself up over something."

"Sometimes, they become very hypersensitive. You know what that is?"

"No," I said, shaking my head.

"It means they're very good at picking out people's moods. It's a defense mechanism. This happens because they need telltale signs that something bad's going to happen. Such as they can tell if Dad's going to hit them because, when he's angry, he'll rub his forefinger against his temple, but if he starts breathing heavily, they know it's going to be bad. Do you follow me?"

"Yeah."

"Another trait is that lying becomes their new reality. Now, I'm not saying she lies to you, but I wouldn't surprised if she has before."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"They don't do it to be heinous, nor is there any malicious intent behind it. They do this because of simple things like 'oh, if I tell mom I broke the vase, she'll beat me. I'll just tell her the dog did it', you know?"

"Yeah, I understand what you're saying. But I don't think she's ever told a lie to me unless she's embarrassed, or something. She always says what's on her mind."

"Well, that concludes our session, okay? Perhaps I could help you with Audrey. I could tell you things that will help her heal or cope," she said.

"Do you think we need to?"

"Do you?"

"Not really."

"Then we don't, but it was nice talking to you Chris. I'll see you guys next week, okay?"

"Okay," I said as Audrey, Stella, and I left the building. I then began to tell her about the session.

**sorry this one is so short. I have and idea for the next one, and I wrote some of this whilst on my iPod because I got my laptop taken away, so it'll be a while. **


	19. When You See My Friends

/dfg/set?id=64356851

Audrey

Today was a typical Saturday afternoon in the Kendall/Kazanjian-Ramirez household.

Stella was taking her afternoon nap in Chris' arms after she had her three o'clock bottle, and the TV was on, playing a soap opera (of which we only played because if it was cartoons, she'd be distracted and wouldn't nap). The window was open and the cool sea breeze was rolling in through the window and I could hear some blue jays chirping. All the lights were off, and the only source of light was natural from the window.

"I'll get it," I said as there was a sharp knock on our front door and swinging the door open.

The familiar body stood just outside the door way. Her tall, slim figure almost touching the top of the door frame, and her usual Jordan's didn't even have a scuff on them.

"Sierra?" I said, astounded. Why the fuck is she here?

"I came to apologize," she stated before I could even ask. She backed up as I walked towards her, stepping through the threshold, and closing the door behind me.

"Why? It's been nearly a year since you told me that I'm to blame for my assault."

"I know, and I'm terribly sorry. It's practically eaten me alive ever since I said that. You have every right to hate me, and I know you're probably exercising that right, but, please, just listen to me."

"Why should I?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"I don't know. You don't know me anything, but I owe you an apology, and I probably don't deserve your forgiveness for the way I treated you, but I would really like to apologize to you. Please, would you come with me so we can sit down and talk?"

"I guess," I mumbled, shrugging my shoulders. "Just let me get my shoes on."

"What's she doing here?" Chris asked.

"She came to apologize," I said, knotting my left shoe. "I'm going to go and talk to her."

"Okay," he said, "hope it goes well!"

I walked out the door and silently followed her out of the building and to the little diner a few blocks away.

"Remember how we used to always come to this place all the time after school?" she said, stirring her coffee around in its cup.

"Yeah, you'd always get a medium steak and fries, and I'd always get dippy eggs, toast, and-"

"Undercooked bacon," she said, reminiscing on the good ol' times.

"Don't forget Coca Cola with exactly two ice cubes," I said, also, reminding on those days. Our orders were always so specific.

"We never had very many fights. We had a few, but they were always both of our hard-headedness, and we got over it in a few months' time. We've been best friends since elementary school. We've been through each other's first heart breaks, first kiss, first loves. You've been there when I was falling apart, and I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed someone to lean on."

"In a way, I'm kind of glad you weren't," I said. She just gave me a weird look.

"You see, if you had comforted me as much as Giselle did, I probably would've been functioning as a normal person by the time Chris and them came along, I wouldn't have gotten close to Chris, and disclosed all the things I did to him. I wouldn't have fallen in love with him, moved in with him, I wouldn't be engaged, and I wouldn't have a beautiful daughter."

"Oh, you have a daughter?" she said. "You've never striked me as the person to have kids, mostly because you've always said you hated them."

"She was an accident. I wanted to terminate the pregnancy at first, but I changed my mind, realizing how much it would hurt Chris if I had gone through with it, and then I realized I had a support system, and I could handle it."

"What's her name?"

"Estella, but we call her Stella for short. She's about seven months old now," I said, pulling out my phone and showing her pictures of Stella's adorable face.

"Anyway, as I was saying before we got side tracked; I'm sorry I wasn't there. You were right; I don't know what you're going through. I don't know what it's like to be stripped of my dignity and sense of security like you do. I've never been sexually assaulted, so I'll never understand your perspective of things.

"In the time we've been apart, I've done a lot of research on the aftermath of it. It turns out that your feelings are normal, and I shouldn't have treated you like such shit. Tyler had just broken up with me, and I know that isn't an excuse, but please forgive me."

"I can forgive you, but I'll never forget what you said."

"I wouldn't except you to. So, friends?"

"For now, we'll be acquaintances, but we'll work on being friends again. We both said some pretty nasty things to each other."

"I know we did..."

"How did you find me?" I asked, suddenly.

"After weeks, I finally persuaded Giselle to tell me where you live."

After that, we had a nice conversation like we used to, and then went our separate ways.

"How did it go?" Chris asked when I walked through the door.

"Good! We made up and we're good now."

"So you're friends again?" he said enthusiastically.

"Acquaintances," I corrected.


	20. Our Own Love

**Okay, well, as much as it pains me to see it go, this is the last chapter in this fic. I may or may not post another one to tell about their lives when they're older. I'm sorry I made you guys wait four months for this. I couldn't decide if I wanted to end it or not, and then I'd start to end it, and then I'd delete it all to write a whole new block of text about something else.**

_/lkj/set?id=75149243_

Chris

_One more night_ I thought to myself as I crossed out the day right before our wedding day. Since we're both non-religious, it was hard to find a person to officiate our marriage ceremony and to keep "God" out of it. It took quite some time, but we eventually found a Justice of Peace that would do it for us. Although, we were having the ceremony set up like a traditional Christian wedding. We also decided on having it at Sierra's house, since her family lives in Bel Air, and definitely has enough room for it. Plus, they let us use their room for free.

Audrey's spent days with Giselle and Sierra trying to walk in the heels she got for the dress. She's also spent quite a few weeks applying make-up to her arms trying to blend her scars into her arms. I told her no one will be noticing her scars, they'll be fixated on her beauty and her dress and everything _but _her scars. She said that that sounded really cheesy and continued to try to get her skin tone right.

Moreover, a few days ago, her brother, Liam, dropped off this bracelet with a bright blue eye on it. They both explained to me that it's an Armenian tradition called_Atchka Ooloonk, _or, in English, an Evil Eye. Basically, if anyone is mean to her, the Evil Eye will bring that person bad luck.

-time lapse-

"Wake up!" she said tapping my cheek over and over again. "I let you sleep in a little bit longer than I should have. Your side of the family is here."

I reluctantly got up and looked at the time. It's almost eight in the morning. It's too early to be up! Audrey will be leaving soon to get all her hair done and everything. I don't even know what to do with my family and friends until then. Should I take them around the city and try not to have a gang member stab us all?

Shortly after nine, Audrey left with Sierra, Giselle, and her sister-in-law, Claudia, for their hair and make-up appointments (which I knew Audrey wasn't looking forward to), and then they were going to go to Sierra's parent's mansion to get ready, and then my side of the family was going to help her side of the family help set everything up. My sister's going to watch all the little ones for everyone so they don't get in the way.

I was waiting at the front of the room with PJ and the Justice of Peace making small talk when the stereotypical wedding music played.

First, Sierra walked in with her elbow linked with Phil's, then Claudia with Dan and they took their respective places. Then Stella, assisted by my niece, waddled in and just kind of dumped all the flower petals on the floor and rushed off down the aisle to my sister. Third, Claudia's son came in with the rings on a little pillow. Then, Giselle walked in alone and took her place next to where Audrey will be standing.

My stomach did a huge flip when Audrey entered through those French doors. I could feel my mouth break into a grin so big I felt like my face was going to be stuck this way. She looked so beautiful. My whole future is at the end of that aisle. I don't think I've ever been more in love with her than I am right now. I wiped a single tear from the pit of my eye as I noticed her chin beginning to quiver, which is something she does when she's about to cry. I kept trying to swallow the giant lump in my throat so the waterworks wouldn't start. I feel like I've just been punched in the face with emotions. It feels like we're the only two people in the room.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments," the Justice of Peace began, "to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love, and to cherish the words which shall unite Christopher and Audrey in marriage.

"Christopher and Audrey, in the days ahead of you, there will be times of difficulty and conflict. When you find yourselves in these situations, I ask you to reflect on this marriage advice: Let your love be stronger than your anger. Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend than to break. Look for the best in your beloved rather than the worst. Confide in your partner and ask for help when you need it. Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship. Give your spouse the same courtesies and kindnesses you bestow on your friends. Say "I love you" every day.

"Christopher and Audrey, I remind you that marriage is a precious gift; a lifelong dedication to love and a daily challenge to love one another more fully and more freely.

"With this understanding, do you, Christopher James Kendall, take Audrey Sevana Kazanjian-Ramirez to be your beloved wife? Do you promise to be a tender, faithful husband? Do you promise to love and cherish her, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and keep yourself only unto her?"

"I do," I said as bravely as I could to be sure my voice wasn't as shaky as I predicted it would be.

"With this understanding, do you, Audrey Sevana Kazanjian-Ramirez, take Christopher James Kendall to be your beloved husband? Do you promise to be a tender, faithful wife? Do you promise to love and cherish him, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and keep yourself only unto him?"

"I do."


End file.
